Monday 31st December

The Last Post (of this year)

Well, after my jaunt down to that there London things have been fairly quiet at the maison fakir. I haven't been anywhere much or done much of note really - it's all been work, footy, eating and sleeping, to be honest. I haven't even been out and bought armfuls of CDs or DVDs that I can talk about. On the other hand, I can report that I have received the latest CD by local band The Lockdown. What you get for your money (or for free, in my case) are five slices of solidly crafted indie-pop. Which means that they've already got more than enough songs to support Ted Chippington. ("Four numbers, that's all you need," as the almost-famous comedian once said.) Anyway, the EP kicks off with the synth-heavy 'Amnesia', cranks it up with the stomping live favourite 'Like Never Before' and then delivers an absolute showstopper of a ballad in 'I Don't Know How'. Seriously, get thee hence to their website and check it out. If I knew Louis Walsh, I'd be trying to flog him that song for a serious amount of cash. Anyway, back to the EP, next up is the Placebo-tinged 'Last Goodbye', and finally the slow burn of 'The Long Run'. All in all, a solid effort throughout, with one definite high point, and builds on the promise I thought they showed in their live performances. It definitely gets the "fatfakir thumbs up" award.

Moving on to more esoteric nonsense, now I'm sure you've often wondered how many five-year olds you could beat in a fight. After all, who hasn't? Well wonder no longer as thanks to the miracle of the modern t'Internet, you can now chug along to this fight site, answer a few simple questions and determine just how many of those little blighters you could beat to a bloody pulp. I managed to score 32, but I have to admit I lied in answering a couple of questions. When I was completely truthful, I upped my score to 33...

Sometimes, I have to wonder about what sort of world my parents think I live in. Either they think I live in some sort of 1970s bachelor pad, next door to Bodie and Doyle, from the Professionals, and just upstairs from The Sweeney, or they think I'm running some sort of gay S&M bordello. I hope its the latter, to be honest, if only because the hairstyles are much better. I mention this because, for the second year in a row, they've given me some shiny, satiny, black bedding as a Christmas present. Hhhm, slinky and kinky. Actually, I don't mind that much but it does have three major drawbacks. One, if more than about three inches of duvet hang over the edge of the bed, the whole thing starts sliding off. Two, it feels cold and damp when I first get into bed. (And the bedding feels damp too, Fnaar! Fnaar!). And three, if I leap into bed with any sort of enthusiasm I find myself skidding across the bed and out the other side. I'm thinking of replacing my bookcase and bedside table with a pile of cushions instead...

Now, I'm sure I had a moan a while back about Hotmail becoming Windows Live Hotmail (or whatever it's known as now). Well, not only has it resurrected email I deleted months ago, but now it's also flooding my Inbox with spam. Admittedly, this is largely my own fault as I have a re-direct from my domain to my Hotmail account and my domain name is clearly on a large number of spammers' lists. However, there is also a much larger quantity of spam adressed to my account getting through these days. It is frustrating to have to deal with 30-40 spam e-mails a day. Especially when a large majority of those spam mails are offering me guaranteed, quick and easy ways to increase my penis size. I suspect one of my ex-girlfriends has been telling them... Anyway, I've finally got fed up and set up another account for mail sent to my doamin, and that seems to have made my Hotmail account usable again. In the meantime, if you have e-mailed me recently and had no reply, then there is a fair chance I may have accidentally deleted your mail in one of my regular purges. Or it could just be that I've been my usual crap self in responding to personal e-mail.

Thinking of personal e-mail, my ex-boss, Miriam, sent me this link to mohairknitter. A link she claimed had been sent to her by one of her work colleagues who was trying to gross her out with dodgy yet "work safe" sites. OK dear, whatever you say, I'll believe you, thousands wouldn't. To be fair, she has shown it to me before, and the website. Fnaar! Fnaar! This time round though, the lady has added catsuits to her repertoire, just in case you're not getting the message about her mohair fetish. Enjoy.

It will come as no great surprise that no sooner did I mention Crewe's good run of form, it came to an abrupt end. That win over Northampton back in mid-November was the last time the Alex collected all three points in a match and since then they've managed two draws and six defeats, scoring only 3 goals, in an 8 match spell that has seen them tumble perilously close to the relegation zone. With a number of tough fixtures to come against the promotion contenders, I fear my little smashers could be in the bottom three come the end of January.

Quiz news now, and team Amanda Huggenkiss have started to make regular appearances back at the Cronkinsons Farm following our semi-retirement. Somewhat embarrassingly, we achieved our lowest ever score a couple of weeks back, mustering a mere 31, having "wiped out" in the last round. Mind you, the winning team only scored 34 and they didn't wipe out. If only we'd not convinced ourselves that Ronald Reagan was the US President who used to be a male model... (It was actually Gerald Ford, fact fans). That said, we failed fairly spectacularly earlier on in attempting to name Michael Jackson's first five solo number ones and some other collection of five which escapes me now. It was a round everyone had trouble with, as evinced by the low scores all round. Still, we've more than made up for that by winning on our last two visits and managing to pick the '8 free pints' prize. The only problem we've got now is working out when we can spend them. We did have a Sunday lunch session lined up but both Charlie and Rob went down with some sort of lurgee, and I have to admit that I just can't manage that many beers anymore, free or otherwise.

Finally, because it's New Year and all that, I was contemplating what resolutions I should make this year. And after careful consideration, I decided that this year, instead of making several resolutions and failing to keep any of them, I'd make just one, and keep it simple. However, I still ended up making two. One, I am definitely going to start learning to drive again this year. And Two, I'm going to try to keep some of those resolutions I've been making for the last ten years. Have you made any New Year's Resolutions?

Go on, stick your oar in:

Monday 24th December

Seasons Greetings!

It's a Merry Christmas to all my reader, or indeed a Merry whichever religious or non-religious festival you are or are not observing at this time of the year. Unless it's a somber observance, in which case it's probably best not to be merry at all. As well as wishing you seasonal greetings, I'd also like to apologise for the lack of postings over the last three weeks. Truth be told there's not been a lot going on round at maison fakir, and I couldn't be bothered posting a couple of paragraphs now and again, so have been saving what little joyous news there is for an update between now and the New Year. Which also means I can bore you with details of the exciting Christmas presents I've received this year. Right, I'm off to mull some wine and start defrosting my Bernard Matthews Turkey Dinner for One. Have a good one and I'll be back in a couple of days.

Saturday 1st December

We know all about you

So now I'm back, from outer-space. You've just walked in to find me here with that look upon my face. Or at least, I'm back from London and you've just surfed on by to find a picture of me wearing a silly hat (see below) and blathering on about the stuff that I saw and did.

Having stuck around in Crewe long enough the weekend before last to see Crewe scrape a 1-0 victory over Northamption and boost themselves back into the top half of the league table, I headed down to London on the old train. Having booked well in advance I got a First Class seat for only just over £30. Unfortunately, on the weekends, First Class passengers get nothing more than free tea or coffee with biscuits and/or crisps. Still, as there was only me in my particular carriage and not many other paassengers in First Class, by the time I got to London, I was awash with tea and had scoffed more biscuits than I normally manage in a month. Having reached London, it was off round to the hotel via Maccy D's and a night's kip before the real sight-seeing began.

Sunday morning dawned grey and overcast, but fortunately the rain was holding off for the time being. After a trip to the garage for some breakfast and the arduous ritual of persuading two young(ish) boys that they could have another shower despite the fact they only had one yesterday, we headed off to the The Eye. I'd gaily agreed to go on it, thinking it'd be a laugh and completely disregarding my irrational fear of heights. (I can get vertigo standing on a chair to change a lightbulb!) I was still feeling OK-ish even after arriving at the Eye and realising how high it was. I was starting to have reservations as flight time got closer, however I knew I couldn't really back out so boarded the "flight" with the rest of the family. I have to be honest and say I didn't see much except the bench I was sitting on and the floor for the first third of the journey. It was only as we started coming over the top that I started looking out and taking in what scenery I could see without standing up. I didn't really feel comfortable though till we were on the way down. Yes, going down, towards the ground, however slowly, that was good. The rest of the family were enjoying it, although Liz and Roger had been before so knew what to expect. Having done it I think I'd like to go again and this time I might actually see stuff other than the Houses of Parliament... Actually, that's not quite true, because you can actually see the MI6 HQ building from the Eye, but it's not marked on the viewing cards. So I took some delight in being able to point this out. A small triumph for me, partly negating the fact I looked like the biggest wuss on the planet, sat on the bench and not enjoying the view.

After the Eye, we had a quick snack and a coffee whilst my legs turned back from jelly to flesh and bone and pondered our next step. We decided to head off to the Natural History Museum and get something to eat whilst we were up that way. So off we went. Of course, none of the kids had been on the Tube before so were a little unprepared for the escalators. And some of those escalators are fairly long/big. This meant there was always a little comedy confusion whenever we had to get on one with the two youngest kids always waiting to jump on behind one of the adults. And with one or other invariably standing on the left to block the way for those crazy people who are in such a rush they need to run up or down the escalators. Apart from that it was all fine - we managed to get everyone on and off the tube trains without ever being in danger of leaving someone behind. Which was pretty remarkable really.

Anyway, we arrived at the Natural History Museum to find them setting up the ice rink for the day and the queues already beginning to form outside the Museum itself for admission. Having watched some of the early skaters on the rink and dismissed the idea of paying more than five quid each for a burger from the mobile units nearby, we wandered off in pursuit of something more substantial to eat. We ended up in an Italian place just round the corner from South Kensington tube. I wish I'd taken more notice of it's name because the nosh was excellent.

Having stuffed our faces (and paid a small fortune for the privilege), we returned the the museum to find the queue had virtually disappeared and in we went. The kids were immediately taken by the diplodocus skeleton in the hallway and, after a bit of wandering, they went off to look at the dinosaur exhibits whilst I hung around to meet Stroppycow and The Boy. Once they arrived, we headed through the dinosaur exhibits, where we caught up with the rest of my crew. We then went off to see the other classic set-piece of the museum - the blue whale - and then we went over to the Earth zone and The Boy's favourite, the Earthquake room. There was just time after that for the kids to have a wander round the gift shop before it was time to part ways with stroppycow as we headed off up into the centre of London for some more sightseeing and yet more food. Having seen the sights and sounds of Piccadilly, got rained on, and spent another small fortune on food (this time in Garfunkel's - not particularly exciting but when you've got three fussy eaters with you...) we wended our weary way back out to the hotel for the night.

Monday morning came and it was uup and at 'em as we headed off to the Tutankhamun Exhibition. Apart from yet more "comedy" capers with tube/DLR tickets, the short journey was uneventful. Just as we arrived my phone went off and surprisingly, it was the Notoriously Unreliable E-duble-D. But instead of telling me a frog had nicked his shoes or somesuch and that he was running late, instead, he was telling me he was already there. A miracle! Anyway, we met and despite being half an hour early for our appointed slot, in we went. I have to say that it is absolutely spectacular. At first I was a bit disappointed by some of the stuff - there aren't that many big pieces, for example, but on reflection I think the exhibition was well-balanced and told it's story well. I have three minor criticisms, the first is that there wasn't actually that much additional information available. The audio tour may have provided additional information but there wasn't a great deal of stuff that you could stand and read at your leisure. Not that poor Eddy got much time to stand still - Will and Clare were determined to drag him round the exhibition as quickly as possible! Luckily, he knows quite a bit about this stuff, so was able to tell them things they might not have learnt or picked up themselves. The second criticism I have, is that there was a delay caused by a woman collapsiing in one of the rooms and this led to a queue building up. However none of the staff made any announcements or explained the delay. And when they did start letting people through the poor woman was still there on the floor. In fact by thetime we got through the exhibition and out of the gift shop about an hour later the ambulance was only just leaving to take her to hospital. The whole thing wasn't handled well in my eyes. And finally, my third criticism - the outrageous prices in the gift shop. Not only was a lot of the stuff the same price in pounds as it is in dollars (te exhibition having previously been touring the US), but some of it was even racked up from the dollar price. King Tut? More like King Tat! Anyway, here's a picture of me wearing a ridiculously over-priced hat:

Thirty-four flippin' quid that cost me! What a bargain. Anyweay, if you like the look, there are a couple more pictures and some excellent dinosaur pictures by stroppycow, living on my London Pictures page.

Post-King Tut, there was time for some more food and ten a parting of the ways as the rest of the family headed home and I went over and crashed out at Eddy's flat. In the evening, when Eddy returned from work, we went up to trendy Hoxton to catch the delightful but scary Ebony Bones in concert.

During the course of the evening, I learnt that the trilby, as favoured by Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse's husband is known in London as a c*nt-hat because "anyone who is wearing one is, invariably, a c*nt." So if you're thinking of slapping one on, to go with your jacket and trousers, think twice, eh?

Go on, stick your oar in:

Wednesday 14th November

Enhanced with an elbow patch

Flaming Typical! Part One:It's just flaming typical that as soon as I recommend a band, and one particular track, that within days said band have taken said track off their myspace site, squirreling it away for a commercial release early next year. So, apologies to those of you who raced over to Hush The Many (Heed The Few)'s website, only to find a distinct lack of track called Revolve. They're releasing it as a single in the New Year apparently. I daresay it's still available out there on some peer-to-peer file-sharing site, but I don't go in for that sort of thing. Anyway, take it from me, it's brilliant and you'll be stunned by its beauty next time you hear it. I hope.

Whilst I'm on a musical tip, I must report on my trip to Mez Fest down at Nantwich Civic Hall. I went along to see with the specific intention of seeing two of the bands on the bill. I managed to time it so that the first of those bands, The Lockdown, were just about to start as I arrived. They've improved immensely since last I saw them. Not only have they written a couple of decent new numbers but the frontman has started to develop a bit of stage presence. I thought they put on a decent performance, and in 'Like Never Before', with which they closed their brief set, they've certainly got a guaranteed crowd-pleaser. Next up were Geneva's Lab, who I saw in Northwich a fortnight previously. Sady, this time round, whilst their nu-punk grew on me a little, their bass player's unfamiliarity with the concept of singing in tune somewhat spoiled the show. Top marks for effort, no marks for execution. Following them were Django, Kill. I'll admit I'd had a couple of beers by the time they came on, and so my first thought was "Christ no, the last thing Nantwich needs is a Pete Doherty wannabe, complete with twatty hat!" Which might be a bit harsh on Django Kill's singer but, I'm not bleedin' wrong. Luckily, image apart the singer and the rest of the band have little in common with Doherty (unless, of course, they all used to go out with supermodels and are addicted to heroin). In fact they churn out a very tuneful indie sound which pulls in elements of everyone from The Who of the 70s, Wire, The Clash, the Postcard-era Scottish punk-funk bands, The Smiths and even Britpop-era Blur. Give their myspace site a spin and you'll see what I mean. They were followed by the other band I came to see - Rig Up Explosive. They were as good as I expected. I think what I like about them is that on first listening to them you can't tell who they're influenced by. There's elements of metal, ska, punk and, believe me, rockabilly in there. It's a potent blend, whatever it is. Finishing the night off were Stash Pocket. Well, I'd had a few beers by this time so I can't recall if they were actually any good or if I was just having a good time anyway. Judging from the Ataris-style punk stylings on their myspace site, I think the beer may not have had a lot to do with it. I'll deffo have to check them out again. Luckily for me they're playing at Nantwich Civic Hall in nary a week's time. And I must just say that I had a moan about the quality of the sound at the Civic last time I reviewed a gig there. Well, the complaint still stands, but I did discover that if you stand in front of the speaker stack then things are clear as bell. So I'd guess that most of the bands sound great during their soundchecks and then once the crowd get in they absorb 80% of the top end frequencies and the bottom end stuff just rumbles off into the floor. Not sure I'd recommend standing with your head next to the speakers in order to get the best audio experience, but my hearing's pretty mucked up already, so it won't make much difference to me anyway...

Flaming Typical! Part Two I say I'll not talk about football because my little smashers, Crewe Alexandra, aren't doing very well and then they go and start a little unbeaten run. It's not much, only five games, but great oaks from little acorns and all that. And as part of this run they managed to win at local rivals Port Vale. It wasn't a great game and the Vale had the majority of possession. However, the game is all about putting the ball in the net and Crewe managed to put it in once and Port Vale didn't. Sandwiching that win was a terrific erformance in disposing of a poor Yeovil side and then another defensively sound performance in knocking the high-flying MK Dons out of the FA Cup. True, the MK Dons are in the league below, but they're top of that league, where as we were, until our recent revival, near the bottom of our own. Sadly, our reward for dispatching the Dons is a tricky away tie to either Doncaster or Oldham. Anyway, the recent revival seems to have come about because the management have finally found the right balance in midfield, and loan player Church gives us an extra dimension up front. With Roberts and Cox in front of the back four, we look a bit more solid and certainly seem to have stopped leaking goals for fun. That said, we still managed to throw away a two-goal lead in the last five minutes at Cheltenham... Anyway, hopefully, the run will continue on Saturday against Northampton, although it looks like we'll be missing Church as he's been called up for the Wales Under-21s.

Post-match Saturday, I'll have time for a couple of beers in the bar before heading off down to that there London. Once down there I'll be meeting up with my sister and her family. We'll be mooching round London on Sunday - I think the current plan involves going on The Eye and then up to the Natural History Museum. And then on Monday we're meeting up with my younger brother and his girlfriend and heading off to visit the Tutankhamun Exhibition. Woo Hoo! Our parents took us to the exhibition at the British Museum in 1972 (well me and Liz, not Eddy - he wasn't even born then), so we're both looking forward to it. Especially as so many of the exhibits are new. Sadly, I understand that the Lyons Cornerhouse, where we had dinner all those years ago, no longer exists. I've also been trying to find out if there are any decent gigs on in London on the Sunday or Monday night (or even, at a pinch, Saturday, although I won't be in town till 9.30-ish) but haven't been able to find anything I fancy that isn't already sold out. Anybody got any tips?

Anyway, I shall return from my London trip on Tuesday morning, hopefully arriving back in plenty of time to have a few beers and unwind before going off to watch my other team in action. Nantwich Town are taking on Cammell Laird in a league match that is also being shown live on Unibond League TV. If you've got money to waste you can "tune in" and spend your evening wondering which blocky, pixellated shape at the back of the stand is me. I'll be the big one with the shiny head. Although, I was taken with my mate Lee's suggestion that we should get a few of us lined up across the back of the stand and move from side to side whilst moving down the terrace, like the old Space Invaders games of yore. And perhaps even fix up for a Flying Saucer to zip across above our heads... Anyway, I won't be checking it out at home, because the site doesn't seem to like my browser. If you have problems too, please let me know.

Finally, comedy fans, the news you've all been waiting for, and probably seen already - the new series of The Mighty Boosh start on BBC3 tomorrow night. Normally this would cause a conflict of interest with the pub quiz, but we don't go that often anymore and also you can watch the first episode on the BBC's website. I've seen it three times already. I'm a Cockney nutjob!

Go on, stick your oar in:

Thursday 25th October

Toppermost of the poppermost

It's largely a music special this time round, gentle reader. Mainly because that what's been eating up my time, but also, I'd rather not talk about the depressing form of Crewe Alexandra. But before we get to the music though, anxious readers will be pleased to know there has been a sort of resolution to my wrangling with British Gas over the erroneous bill. On the very morning of the first of the 48-hour postal strikes, one of the last acts of my postman was to deliver my quarterly bill. Upon opening it, I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or journey down to British Gas HQ and smash up the place with an axe. Huzzah! They have adjusted the bill and finally removed the incorrect meter reading and inserted the correct one. So I don't owe anything. Boo! They've estimated my usage for the last quarter and now I owe them twelve quid. Except of course, I don't. My meter hasn't moved from zero since they flipping installed it! What is the point in them paying someone else to read the meters when they're clearly not doing the job! Gah! Needless to say I haven't paid the twelve quid and have pointed out that this reading is wrong too. I await another adjusted bill with bated breath.

And on to music-related stuff. This past month or so I have been to see me old mates Disarm, not once but twice. First time out was on a Sunday night at The Glebe in Stoke. There were three support bands on the bill, which was lucky because Disarm had a bit of van trouble and arrived at the venue mere moments before I did. Whilst the Disarm guys nicked off in search of food, I checked out the support bands, all of whom were in the same riff-heavy-nu-metal vein. First band up were Elysium, who despite not having a very original name (there are loads of bands who share it - try Googling them), did perform a fairly decent set and included some sampling which, although it wasn't terribly successful was a departure from the norm. They were probably my favourite of the three support bands. Next up were The Blackbox. Not to be confused with either Black Box or Blackbox Recorder, although a quick listen would surely clear up any confusion. They were more grunge than out-and-out metal. Last of the support acts were Blue Origin. Live they're a heavier proposition than their myspace stuff suggest and at times they were uncannily close to the sound Disarm used to make a few years back when Brendan was in the band. Not that Disarm had a monopoly on that sound, of course; a slightly more well-reference point would be Taproot, I think. Anyway, they were OK but came across as a bit too blokey. By the time Disarm hit the stage the place was sadly, virtually empty. The support bands were all local and the last bus in Stoke obviously leaves at 10.30 on a Sunday night. It wasn't the smallest crowd they'd had on tour but can't have been far off. They rattled through a set in 25 minutes that was tight, but all too brief for my liking. It was kind of understandable though - they'd had the van trouble, Brad wasn't feeling too good and the pub had to shut at midnight due to the crazy licensing laws.

The second trip to see Disarm was a lot more fun. They played at the Winnington Rec in Northwich, second on a bill which kicked off with the pseudo-punk of Geneva's Lab and was topped by the ska-punk of Fandangle. Geneva's Lab kicked off the proceedings with a set of that nu-punk stuff so beloved by 'mericans. I wasn't overly impressed but then I fell out of love with that sort of sound a while back. To me, the genre isn't developing and unless you have killer tunes, it can just sound a bit whiny and dull. By way of contrast, the death-sleaze-metal of Disarm is hardly ground-breaking stuff, but married to some killer tunes, a tight band and a bagful of swaggering attitude, it's top entertainment. At least I thought so. Topping the eclectic bill were Fandangle. A ska-punk band from Surrey. I wasn't too hopeful, having checked out their website, but live they turn up the guitars and the shouting and everything goes uptempo and they're fantastic entertainment - kind of like Snuff having a fight with The Redskins. All in all a top night out, and I have to tip the old hat to the Banned Network who put nights like this on regularly in Northwich. There can't be much money in it, given the average age of the audience was about 15...

In between visits to see Disarm, I met up with fellow Crewe-sufferer Jules, who runs the Images of Crewe blog. He'd suggested a night out of music and chat a few weeks back and I took him up on the offer. We went to the M Club in Crewe to see Stiff Little Fingers. It was a good choice. Not only is the M Club the sort of venue that I thought Crewe had needed for years, but it was heaving with 400 like-minded souls, all come to have a good time. We'd manaqed to time our pre-match beers fairly well so only caught the end of the second support act. They sounded OK, but clearly everyone was here for the main event. And what a main event it was. All the hits and more. And, frankly, when you've got songs in the bag like 'Alternative Ulster', 'At The Edge', 'Tin Soldiers, 'Nobody's Hero' and 'Suspect Device' I'm prepared to put up with the occasional clunker that sounds like a mid-period Jam cast-off. Those guys could have played all night and we'd still have wanted more. And just to round the night off, Jules, having already managed to get us in to the gig for free, managed to get us a very pretty taxi lady to take us home. Top fellah. Top night.

Despite having a web presence and all that, I don't spend all day every day trawling the web for new/interesting stuff (despite what my work colleagues might think) so some things pass me by altogether. For example the next thing I'm about to recommend is about a year old. I only stumbled across it because I was on youtube looking for a video of The Wurzels singing 'Remember Me' by British Sea Power. I didn't find it but instead found this crazy mash-up between some sweary chav rappers and The Wurzels classic 'Brand New Combine Harvester. It's NSFW (if your workplace objects to sweary things) but step this way for the Kwurzel Massive.

An old friend of mine, eels, recommended a website to me that I thought I'd share. Now, before we get to it, I ought to explain that normally my musical taste and Mr eels' coincide with about the same frequency as Crewe Alexandra win in the FA Cup, so I was a bit dubious about what the site may hold. To be honest, I've still never quite forgiven him for subjecting me to that night of stoner rock (Sunn 0)))), Goatsnake and Orange Goblin) at The Foundry, Birmingham, some years back. It wasn't so much that the bands were terrible (they weren't), it was the cumulative effect of all that heavy, yet not-quite-fast-enough riffery that ground me down. Anyway, back to the matter in hand, he recommended spoombung to me, with particular reference to 'The Pool Song'. The site, if you don't want to click through, is that of Kev Hopper, formerly the bass player with '80s oddballs, Stump. Their dense, Beefheartian music counterpointed with light comic lyrics never found a place in the heart of the British public, unsurprisingly. Since the break-up of Stump, Mr Hopper has produced a solid catalogue of work, which he is now sharing with the world. I can heartily recommend 'The Pool Song' and also the album 'Saurus' which features one of my favourite instruments - the musical saw. Go on check it out.

I'm sure someone else recommended Hush The Many (Heed The Few) to me a while back, but I can't remember who it was, so am claiming it as a discovery of my own! If it was you, feel free to correct me... Comparisons are odious, of course, so I'm honour-bound to compare them to Arcade Fire, with whom they probably have nothing in common except a lush, layered sound. The lyrics can be a bit "sixth-form poetry" (yes, I'm looking at you 'Story of a Page') but otherwise they're a treat. Anyway, check out 'Revolve', it's superb. Why isn't this on every radio in the land?

Another friend of mine, Charlie (one third of Amanda Huggenkiss) has foisted upon me a CD by a band that one of his friends is in, with the express desire that I forward it on to my little brother, who is music editor at TimeOut. Obviously, I'm slightly irritated that Charlie didn't offer to pay the postage (which is probably just as well as the thing is still sat on my shelf) but have to report that of the two tracks on the Grantura CD, one is quite good and the other isn't. Annoyingly, both tracks are also on the band's myspace site. I do have to say though that if your at all sensitive to the tragic holiday drowning in the Algarve recently, you might want to avoid 'Waves', which is, unfortunately, the better of the two tracks.

Anyway, by way of revenge I have posted some of Charlie's music on the web. Well, I say Charlie's music but in fact it's from an ancient "supergropup" that we were both in briefly, in the summer/autumn of 1986. Combining members of such luminaries of the Nantwich scene as Lost Onus, The Percy Sugden Experience and Destructible Sandwich, The Clodhoppers actually started life as a one-off comedy performance at the end of a youth club summer holiday. That one-off performance managed to somehow stretch out to three proper gigs, the recording of an album and the production of a limited edition Clodhoppers songbook. An edition so limited that I didn't get one even though I was in the band! And, well, I say "recording an album" like it was some big studio-based undertaking, but in fact it was just us in the back of the Methodist Church with a few amps, assorted instruments, a couple of microphones, a twin-tape karaoke machine and a lot of messing about. The whole thing was a ramshackle mess. Anyway, the basic premise of the band was that we, the allegedly competent musicians, provided the backing for the village idiot, who's songwriting talent was more than dwarfed by his complete inability to sing either in tune or in time. And whilst to some extent, we pulled it off (there are some decent tunes in there somewhere, honest) it was such hard work that recording the album killed off the band. It took about five minutes to knock up a tune and about five hours to get the singer anywhere near it, even when he'd written the lyrics for it. We played our third and final gig and announced, to general relief, that it was all over. Until now, when with the aid of a Heath Robinson rig-up I was able to digitize the album and put it on t'internet. It took ages and even with several audio programs I wasn't able to clean the sound up that much. There is a live recording of the final gig that I was going to transfer too, but the quality of that is so bad that I think nothing short of industrial sand-blasting will clean that sound up...

And finally, just to round things off, see if you can spot what's wrong with the information in the article below. Don't worry if you don't spot it, I'll tell you underneath the picture.

Yes, the numpty who wrote that clearly hasn't done his research. The Blondie "original" was actually a cover version itself. The song was written by John Holt and first recorded by The Paragons in 1967. Hello! Even bleedin' Wikipedia have got the skinny on this one, as they say. Obviously I dashed off a stern email to Mr Hurley pointing out his mistake but as yet I have had no reply.

Well, that's enough from me for now. It's taken far too long to get this update done and I still haven't got round to discussing football or the unoffical guide to the banter at Nantwich Town FC. I'm off to see some more bands tomorrow night at Mez Fest at the Civic Hall, Nantwich so better get this posted and get some beauty sleep. Till next time, salut maintenant!

Go on, stick your oar in: