Thursday 4th January 2007

Follow the cops back home

A belated festive greeting to all my readers. I would have got round to updating between Christmas and New Year if I hadn't been alternating between drunk and hungover. Or wasting time with my brand new toy. No, not that sort of toy, (you lot have got such filthy minds!) but in fact a ukelele. Yes, a ukelele. You might think it's naught but a mere child's plaything but, coupled with a chord sheet or two and a folder full of guitar tabs, it becomes an instrument of great joy. It's the most fun I've had for fifteen quid since that trip to Amsterdam. Although, sadly, it's not the first time I've had people laughing at my under-sized instrument....

Anyway, the uke has added to the number of projects I've got to get on with this year. Trouble is there are just so many possibilities. Here are a few I'm toying with:

• Punkelele - yer actual punk classix on the old uke. (A quick look on t'Internet suggests someone might be tyrying to beat me to this one though.)
• Husker Dukelele - similar but solely concentrating on the Husker Du back catalogue.
• Definitely (Ukelele) - Oasis' first album re-visited for ukelele. And kazoo. Possibly. Or maybe recorder...
• Placcy Beau - puncturing the pomposity of Placebo by taking them down to the music hall.
• Lenkelele - the tunes of Sir Leonard of Cohen, reworked for jaunty Northern vocal and ukelele, obviously. I tell you, Len would have written much jollier tunes if only he'd picked up the ukelele instead...
• ...And The Order In Which They Died - the skiffle band tribute to the sadly now defunct Here Is The List Of Your Dead Friends

Anyway, that's enough, don't want to be giving away too many ideas - you never know who might be after stealing your stuff, man.

Not too much to talk about in terms of the football. Sadly, my comedy Santa prediction (see below) came true for Crewe Alexandra, who endured yet another miserable Christmas and only picked up 2 points from the possible twelve on offer. Not too surprising really, as the defence is looking flakier than something very flaky and midfield tends to sit a little too deep at times, inviting players to run at the defence. Perhaps we're just having a bad spell, but maybe we should expect that? After all neither of the other teams relegated with us last year are faring significantly better, and of the three teams that came down the year before only Nottingham Forest are doing well. And even they are going through a poor run. Factor in the team rebuilding that's had to be done in the summer and beyond, and obviously it's not going to be as easy to bounce straight back up as we did four or five seasons ago. I think it's time I took a deep breath, remembered the good times, how exactly I felt when we won the play-off final back in '97, and re-adjusted my expectations. It's not fantastic progress but pre-Dario Crewe played in this tier of the football pyramid in two seasons and got relegated both times. When I started suporting them back in 1981 a season out of the re-election places (as they were then) in the old 4th Division (as it was then) was considered a success. I'm not saying I shouldn't expect the team to be successful because Dario has proved that we can be good enough to compete at a higher level, but the weight of history suggests that, without a considerable cash injection, that level of success was never sustainable. And before anyone goes off on one about the amount of money Crewe have made selling players on, they should have a look at the ground improvements, the respected Academy and the financial stability of the club. Some of which doesn't help us get the points on a Saturday, but has ensured there's still a club for us to support now and in the future.

Think I managed to wander away from the point I was originally going to make, but never mind. Anyway, my "other" footy team Nantwich Town have been having a bit of a mini-crisis of their own. Not that their form is anything like as bad as Crewe's but their home form hasn't exactly been sparkling. A few draws against teams they ought to have beaten and the dropped points mean that other sides have gone above them in the table. This disappointing run has come at exactly the wrong time as FC United, the long-term league leaders have had a bit of a wobble too. Still, on paper Nantwich don't have too many difficult games between now and the end of the season, so hopefully they can get climbing back up the table. Especially as the promised restructuring of the Unibond League has left everyone confused about how many teams might be going up from this league this season.

Not much else to talk about really - I met up with all my siblings over the Christmas holiday. There may be some photos of that momentous occasion available next week. Additionally, I've added my mate Jules' blog and Ted Chippington's myspace site to the list of links on your left. Check them both out. And I did actually complete this post yesterday (Wednesday) but was unable to get online to upload it, due to comedy outage from my ISP. Er, and that's about it. I've corrected some spelling mistakes and typos from my last posts but probably missed a couple AND introduced some more in this post, so there's a special no-prize for anyone who spots any.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Wednesday 20th December

"Tonsilitis or Christmas? You can't have both."

Apologies for the lack of update before now but I decided to put in some work on one or two of things that I always keep talkng about doing and never quite get round to. I realised that the reason I never get round to doing these things is that there's always a lot of work involved and, frankly, I've got enough work to do at, er, work, thank you. The last thing I really want after a day slogging away at the coalface of User Documentation is to spend another three or four hours of my evening working on my computer. It's especially disheartening when you realise you've spent all week working on something and it's still not ready for a puublic unveiling. However, the last couple of weeks have not been a total waste of time and those couple of projects I've worked on will start bearing fruit early in the New Year, or possibly sooner, depending on how exciting a Christmas holiday I have. Stay tuned for further developments.

I have managed to catch up with some of my listening over the last fortnight or so though.So here's a quick run down:

• The Fall - Words of Expectation (BBC Sessions) - A sort of Best Of the BBC Sessions double CD offering. Includes an impressive early session I hadn't heard before and some good stuff from 1996 but nothing from the years between 1981 and 1996. Strange. If there's anyone out there who hasn't bought my a Christmas pressie yet and is wondering what to get me, well, The Fall - Complete Peel Sessions still hasn't made it into my record collection yet. (You can't blame a guy for trying, surely?)
• King Tubby - Father of Dub A scantily-documented box set containing some three-and-a-half hours of dubtastic reggae. Fantastic music for having on in the background when you're re-writing someone else's documentation. Surprising high point being 'A Truthful Dub' (on the Crucial Dub CD) which sounds awfully like Dario G's recent dance re-mix of 'Ring of Fire'. Irie, I think.
• Various - 12" 80s More nostalgia than you can shake a stick at in the form of 37 cuts from the decade that saw the world and his wife put out a 12-inch remix of their single. Bit of a mixed bag - some of these efforts are splendid (Soft Cell, Aztec Camera, Grace Jones, Yazoo, in particular) and some of them are blatantly jumping on the bandwagon (Curiosity killed The Cat, Hipsway, Blow Monkeys, I'm looking at you). Still worth checking out if you can get it on the cheap, especially if you've got a rainy Sunday afternoon spare to listen to it.
• Editors - The Back Room Oh dear. Alright, it was only a fiver in the sale, but I was expecting a bit more than two-and-a-half decent tracks. No denying the brooding magnificence of 'Munich' and 'All Sparks' but nothing else apart from the last track 'Distance' has stayed with me. Mind you, I have only listened to it once - perhaps it's a grower...
• Husker Du - Land Speed Record Barely twenty-six minutes long and sounding like it was recorded in a bucket, this is a primal blast of early 80s US punk from one of the most influential bands to emerge from that scene. Whilst the sound quality is atrocious (I've heard better on myspace) there's no denying the power and ferocity of the tracks here. Their later work lacks some of this fire but does have better tunes. One for the fans, as they say.

Finally, I'm indebted to those nice people at Caustic Truths who e-mailed me to let me know that I had been included in their weblinks listing as a result of my association with Fat Wreck Chords, who they've just featured in their print magazine. As my only association with Fat Wreck is that I've bought some fo their product and have linked to them on here, I was a bit suspicious. Of course, all they've done is Googled for all the sites that link to Fat Wreck and harvested them, then e-mailed the webmasters of those sites to check out their listing and "hey, check out the rest of our site while you're here" Thus increasing their web traffic and possibly gaining some new readers. Well I, for one, see through their scam and am not going to give them the oxygen of publicity.

Oh, wait. D'Oh!.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Tuesday 5th December

Rocking with Rita, you sure can't beat her

You'd think someone would have made sure there were enough hours in the day to do stuff, wouldn't you? Well, someone obviously hasn't as once again I've ended up with a pile of DVDs, CDs and books that I haven't had time to watch/listen to/read. Alright, it's partly my fault in that:

1. I bought the stuff in the first place
2. I spent most of last week out of the house, and
3. I spent much of the weekend asleep

Anyway, at the risk of turnning into some sort of Late Review-style bore, here's a few of the things I've thrown good money at in the last fortnight:

• Tom Waits - Orphans. For the first time in a very long time, I've paid more than ten quid for a CD. Alright, it is actually a triple-CD set, but even so the price tag of the best part of thirty quid really put me off. On the other hand, it does contain new songs by Tom as well as stuff I've only got on tape or downloaded from dubious sources. Only managed to listen to it all the way through once so far, but the third disc does seem a bit of an anti-climax compared to the first two. Perhaps it's a grower... That said the first two CDs are worth the price of admission alone. If you see this at the twenty quid mark, it's a bargain.
• Lee Perry -The Ultimate Upsetter. A compilation of Lee's work both as an artist and as a producer. Well, actually, mostly as a producer, to be honest. Plenty of sterling stuff here though, including Susan Cadogan's magnificent version of 'Hurts So Good'. If I didn't have that already it would have been worth the (reduced) price I paid for it for that alone.
• The Buggles - The Age of Plastic. Conclusive proof that everyone has one hit song in them or over-looked electropop gem? Well, I have to report that despite the presence of decent tunes such as 'Elstree' and 'Clean, Clean', it is clear that 'Video Killed the Radio Star' is truly The Buggles magnum opus. The rest of the album struggles to match it and sadly suffers in comparison.
• Ian Dury - Reasons to be Cheerful. A 'Best Of..' rather than a proper album, which includes all the hits, but also some stuff from his time in Kilburn and the High Roads, a couple of post-Blockheads tracks and a few live numbers. Another one picked up cheap in the sale and well worth it.
• Hayseed Dixie - A Hot Piece of Grass. Another offering from the kings of rockgrass. Fewer covers and more original material but this is still an enjoyable romp through rock in a hillbilly-stylee.
• Vivian Stanshall - Teddy Boys Don't Knit. Viv in 'making proper album!' shock. Includes a song I saw on telly when I was about nine or ten and have remembered ever since (albeit it some of it wrongly). Absolutely fantastic stuff here, from a man who, it was claimed, tended to reject songs if he thought his Dad wouldn't be able to whistle them.
• Fall - The Light User Syndrome. One from the second Brix era. Overlooked by many, including me, but surprisingly good - an equal to the last two releases certainly. Check-ah it out, chiselers!
• The Simpsons - Sing the Blues. I picked this up cheap and was a bit disappointed about how dated it sounded. But then it is dated -this is about 16 years old! Yes. The Simpsons have been around for that long and yet Bart is still only ten years old...
• Viv Stanshall -Sir Henry at Ndidi's Kraal - A companion piece to his 'Sir Henry at Rawlinson's End' album. Suffers a bit in comparison to that meisterwork and doesn't have the leavening jollity of the musical interludes on that album either. Worth hearing for Stanshall's wonderful way with language but buy the other LP first.
• Eazy-E - Eazy-Duz-It. A re-issue of an early LP by former member of NWA and the first gangsta rapper to own up to having AIDS, Eazy-E (or Eric to his Mum and Dad). Heare he sets the tone and the blueprint for much of the gangsta stuff that followed. Produced, of course, by Dr Dre. Worth checking out. Comes with Eazy's "Christmas" EP as bonus tracks.

• Visage - Visage
• Fall - Words of Expectation (BBC Sessions)
• King Tubby box set
• 12" 80s - a box set of 80s 12-inch singles, surprisingly.
• Editors - The Back Room
• Husker Du - Land Speed Record

• Lawnmower Man
• FX Murder By Illusion
• Hostel
• THX 1138
• Morrisey - Who put the M in Manchester?
• The League of Gentlemen, Series 3

Anyway, last Friday I went up to Manchester to see Miriam for a curry and a few beers. We dined at Akbar's, sadly not owned by either Admiral Ackbar or even Akbar and Jeff, but in fact an offshoot of the famous Akbar's of Bradford. They were obviously very busy but even so we didn't have to wait long for a table. Miriam pulled the old "oh dear, I've forgotten my money" trick when we were at the bar. Anyway, the nosh was great - Miriam had some vegetarian stuff and I had meat samosas followed by chicken dopiaza. Very nice indeed. We decided to share a nan bread and it was good job we did as it was huge - must have been a couple of feet long at least! After stuffing our faces we headed off for a few beers, ending up in the Kro Bar till the early hours. I felt a bit rough the next day, but not so rough I couldn't spend a small fortune on tat in Fopp (see above)...

That's about all the news that's fit to print - not much to say about the football really, certainly not if I want to finish and upload this before the end of the week. There have been mixed fortunes for Amanda Huggenkiss in the pub quiz. One winning week followed by one disappointing one, the low point being a pointless, post-result, disagreement about whether Lisa Stansfield or Gracie Fields was a more plausible answer to the question 'Which famous singer was born above her grandmother's chip shop in Rochdale?' Even if we had managed to get it right (it was Gracie Fields) we got a subsequent answer wrong and would have lost all our points for the round anyway. And i think that's about all I can think of for the moment. It's enough to be going on with, I'm sure.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Sunday 19th November

One mile, roughly speaking

Put on your drainpipe trousers, drag out your brothel creepers and dust down your drape coat - the Ted revival is coming. Don't worry though, you don't need a big quiff and a flick-knife for this Ted revival, just a slightly twisted sense of humour, because I'm talking about Ted Chippington. Obscure 80s comedian who had a brief brush with fame, including an appearance on 'Pebble Mill at One', and who's deadpan delivery and lack of obvious jokes ran contrary to almost every other comedian around at the time. Since cited as an inspiration by a host of comedians, including Stewart Lee. I had the good fortune to see Ted a few times in his heyday. Probably the most memorable occasion was at Cloud 9 in Manchester when he was second on the bill to Big Ed and his Rockin' Rattlesnakes and the opening act was an acoustic punk outfit called The Old Men, who were led by Mancunian artist Edward Barton. Top entertainment all round. Anyway, Ted did a sublime version of 'Rocking with Rita' which later appeared on his 'Man In A Suitcase' album. So, as one of the audience singing along, I'm part of the Ted legend!

Anyway, the Tedster is very much alive and kicking - he's even got his own myspace site. Well worth a visit. As is this Indie site, indie-mp3.co.uk, which has a few bits of vintage Ted for your delight. If that's not enough check out the Frankosonic link too. I'm indebted to my mate, Ian who was "a good mate of Ted" and pointed me in the direction of these. My interest in Ted was initially re-kindled by the news of Tedstock - a benefit gig in aid of a 3-cd retrospective of Ted's material. The line-up looks pretty good, although the fact that Ted will not be performing or appearing does undermine it a bit. I'll still be seeing if I can get a ticket or two though. Of course, my more immediate concern is seeing if I can get down to Wolverhampton on Friday night to see him perform at the Little Civic.

Last Saturday's North West Counties League cup encounter between Nantwich Town and FC United of Manchester unfortunately went the way of the visitors. It wasn't a great game, with Nantwich fielding an under-strength team, and the weather didn't help things either. Fortunately, I was too drunk to care much - I met Tim at about 11.30 in the morning and we drank through to kick-off. To be fair, he had the right idea and carried on drinking through the match. He didn't miss much. We had a few more beers after the match, which definitely wasn't a good idea. I ended up in the back of a pub playing pool with some Welsh FC United fans, before falling asleep in the local takeaway. Not entirely sure what happened to Tim...

Things went from bad to worse for Nantwich yesterday when they were knocked out of the FA Vase at the first time of asking. Having had a bye into the second round, they came unstuck against Shildon. Ultimately, Nantwich paid the price for not playing much football - the first half was dire and if Shildon's strikers had been any good they could hve been three or four up. As it was, Nantwich went in ahead through the only bit of football they managed to play. Shildon's inept striker then levelled things halfway through the second half and added an unlikely but well-taken second. Having looked unlikely to hit a cow's arse with a banjo in the first hour, he started looking likely to score with every touch. Ironically he scored his second just after Nantwich's best spell of the game. With time running out things were looking bleak till Andy Kinsey curled home a beautiful free-kick to take the game into extra time. Shildon then profited from a poor corner clearance, which was returned with interest into the top corner to put them back in front. They then conceded a soft penalty to let Nantwich level the game. In the second period of extra time Nantwich conceded a soft free kick which was pumped into the area and a looping header across goal restored Shildon's advantage. Nantwich piled on the pressure at the end and had a spell of five or six corners but just couldn't make them count and Shildon deservedly ran out the winners. I have to say though, apart from the goals, there was very little football being played and it must be one of the worst seven-goal thrillers I've ever seen. I'd be very surprised if Shildon make it to the final.

My little smashers, Crewe Alexandra, in the meantime, slipped tamely out of the FA Cup at Bradford (no surprise there) but registered a second away win by turning over a poor Brentford side by four goals to nil. Hopefully, they'll be inspired to repeat that sort of perfromance at home to Chesterfield this weekend and against the Vale in the Johnstone Paints Trophy next week. Of course, they won't, which inspired me to come up with this, based on their website's current campaign.

Bad news at the pub quiz this week when, having romped home winners last week, Team Amanda Huggenkiss suspected the fix was in. Probably wasn't, although as we marked the winning team's answer sheet, we were suspicious of the numerous crossings out and the change of handwriting for the last round... To be fair, although we were at full-strength numbers-wise we probably weren't at the top of our game for various reasons. A decent haul of 49 points just wasn't enough to match the Gruesome Twosome's impressive 52. Not as impressive as our previous best of 55, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, there's always next week to look forward to. And as Rob said, it's not the winning that counts but the feeling we could have won by more... Can't complain really, though - we had a decent nosh out of winning the previous week.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Sunday 5th November

Reads our roads without a map

It's official, I am now a pub-quiz-a-holic. I realised it myself this week after I got a text from Charlie telling me he wouldn't be able to make it for our regular rendezvous at the Cronkinsons Farm quiz night. I was quite depressed at thinking the whole enterprise would be off but fortunately Charlie's brother Rob came through and saved the day. We couldn't rally any other of our less regular team-mates but undanted we took on the challenge. For the second week in a row we blew it in the final "Wipe Out" round, scored no points from a possible 15 and finished with a disappointingly low 38 points out of 60. That was still enough for joint second place though, so no disgrace there, but also no prize either. We have been tending to do the quiz every other week due to work and other commitments in the team but lately we've been there every week. Not done too badly out of it either - a couple of bottles of champers and a free meal for two. And the "comedy" prize of a crayon. Of course, it's not the winning that counts but the getting there early enough to grab a table to sit at, instead of having to stand at the bar all night.

In other news - it's been a mixed fortnight for me footy-wise. There was the enormous pride and ultimate heartache of watching Crewe Alexandra take Manchester United all the way to the last-minute of extra-time in the Carling Cup, followed by hearing the news of their disastrous performance at Rotherham. A dire performance in winning on penalties mid-week at Rochdale in the Johnstone Paints Trophy didn't bode well for yesterday's clash with local rivals Port Vale. Especially as the Crewe injury list is getting longer every day. With a squad of 38 you'd think they'd be able to cope with a few first-teamers getting knocks, but the truth is that they could cope with three of four absentees but not seven or eight. Against Manchester United there were seven first-team regulars unavailable due to injury and a further five squad members also unfit. Factor in the one player out due to suspension and the seven youngsters out on loan and that's about half the squad unavailable. To make matter worse Dario bought in a couple of players on loan and both of them got injured in the Carling Cup game. Fortunately one has recovered and rejoined the team for the weekend but it looks like the other won't be returning to Crewe.

Anyway, as I said, with Crewe's poor form and lengthy injury list I was fearing the worst in a game most Crewe fans would have marked down as "must win" as soon as the fixtures were announced. Well, to be honest, even though Crewe weren't all that good Port Vale were worse. Although not as bad as the referee. Maynard was bought down for a blatant penalty and he booked the lad for diving. And then booked the Vale keeper too! Poor. At least he got the decision right for the penalty that he did give in the third minute of injury-time. Luke Rodgers keeping his nerve to beat the keeper again when ordered to retake it. Not a great match although Crewe were the better side. Maynard scored a good opener in a the middle of decent spell from Crewe in the first half. Abbey equalised for the Vale before half time after Crewe failed to clear a corner properly and gave him time and space to pick his spot from 25 yards out. The Vale had a couple of chances in the second half but Rodney Jack was causing them all sorts of trouble at the back and Crewe maybe should have scored before they did. Can't complain at a win over the Vale though. The only downside was seeing Maynard stretchered off with a hamstring injury. Looking forward now to our re-match with the Vale at the end of the month in the Johnstone Paints Trophy. If they can't beat our reserves, how will they fare if we can put out our first-team?

The other big footy match to look forward is next Saturday's clash between Nantwich Town and FC United of Manchester. Having already lost to United in the League early in the season Nantwich will be looking to extract their revenge in this League Cup clash. (North West Counties League Cup, that is). My ex-workmate Tim is coming down for the tie, so we'll be meeting up for a few beers beforehand and possibly afterwards, depending on the result!

The makers of cheap compilation CD sets have obviously come up with some strange marketing voodoo that makes me think they're worth buying when I'm in the shop. The voodoo clearly only works in the shop as once I get them home I realise that that's another fiver wasted on a load of shoddy re-recordings or live versions of the original hits. It doesn't happen to me often, but this weekend I bought two of the worst I've ever bought, I think - Experience the 80s and Happy Hippie Hits. In fairness Experience the 80s lives up to it's name - it's tawdry, a bit tacky, promises a lot more glamour and riches than it delivers and is generally a triumph of style over substance, much like the 1980s were. It features re-recordings by the original artist or one or more members of the original group and some live recordings. The most blatant rip-offs here are Limahl redoing the Kajagoogoo hits and live recordings from ELO Part 2 (the post-Jeff Lynne incarnation) but there's also an All About Eve live recording (bad enough in itself) that feature two minutes of the band bantering with the audience at the end of it. There's also a re-recording of Heaven 17's 'Temptation' which must have been done by Carol Kenyon as it features about 30 seconds of the original verses and 7 minutes of her wailing. In contrast Happy Hippie Hits features a load of Sixties stuff, mostly West Coast pop of the psychedelic era. There are at least some original recordings here, although they tend to be of obscure artistes (exceptions being Jefferson Airplane and Van Morrison). Mind you, most of this stuff has been recorded so many times, not hearing the original versions doesn't seem so important somehow. Anyway, if you see either of these compilation sets for sale anywhere, avoid them like the f-in plague!

Go on, stick your oar in:

Tuesday 24th October

Having trouble understanding Jane

Apologies for the lack of updates in the last fortnight but there's been so much going on I haven't had much spare time to get round to it. Or is it that I haven't been doing anything so there's nothing to report? Well, let's see how long it takes me to write this update...

Important stuff first, I think. I've blathered on a few times about my new job and last week I finally started it. It's going well so far although I haven't actually done any work yet. I have had my hands on the software and had a bit of play with it and expect I'll be getting started on something this week. I better had, I think, because if I don't I'll start falling asleep at my desk with boredom.

In between jobs I had a week off and took advantage of that to catch up with my DVD collection. I've bought a fair few films recently and not had chance to watch them all. So, here they are, in no particular order:

• Oldboy - Top quality vengeance movie from Chan-wook Park. Nicely done and with a fairly downbeat ending. Oh-Dae Siu gets kidnapped and held prisioner for fifteen years. On his release he's given five days to find out why. It's pretty dark throughout really. None of the protagonists come out of it looking good. Worh watching, but not one for the squeamish.
• The Descent - Pot-holing horror fest, with all-girl cast. Some of the scenes are definitely not for the claustrophobic, but apart from the novelty of the setting, this is bog-standard horror fare. In fact, it's Return of the Living Dead. In a Cave. Even the "surprise" ending isn't much of a surprise.
• The Time Machine - Mike from Neighbours (aka Guy Pearce) stars in this surprisingly good adaptation of the HG Wells story. Having not read the original story in at least twenty-five years, I've no idea how many liberties they may have taken with the source material, but I don't think it matters. This stands on its own merits. It's not a work of earth-shattering genius but it is a good story well told. Oh, and Samantha Mumba is pleasing eye candy. Definitely worth checking out if you can find it cheap on DVD.
• The Last House on the Left - Wes Craven's first horror movie and banned for a number of years. Always cited in any discussion of the crackdown on video nasties during the early 1980s. Pretty tame by modern standards and surprisingly moral. Probably caused a stir due to the female nudity as much as the gore. Not much to write home about these days, although it's always good to see the bad guys get their comeuppance.
• Night Watch - Epic-themed Russian horror. Down the ages the forces of Good and Evil have kept an uneasy truce. Having fought each other to a standstill, they now police each other and curb the excesses of each side. However all this is about to change with the arrival of The One. The ultra-powerful Other who will choose either Good or Evil and tip the balance between the forces. The two sides struggle to entice The One to join them, with the fate of mankind hinging on His decision. Great film although the ending hints that there is a sequel out there. Hope there is.
• Versus - More epic horror, this time from Japan. There are 666 portals to the other side and one of them is in the Forest of Resurrection. It is here that an escaped prisoner finds himself facing up to a foe he last fought five hundred years ago. But before he can get to the final showdown he has to rescue the damsel in distress and bump off a load of goons. In fact, he has to bump them off several times - it's not called the Forest of Resurrection for nothing. Can't say who wins without spoiling things but there is a neat sting in the tail to this one.
• The Last Horror Movie - Kicking off like a typical teen slasher movie this sudenly veers off with the uninvited appearance of Max, our anti-hero, who has "taped over the rental video you are watching". Which doesn't really work if you're watching a DVD you bought from Morrisons. What follows is a low-budget serial killer version of Man Bites Dog. It's Max taking you on a journey through his various apparently motiveless and random murders. His trusty assistant films it all. Of course, the point of the film is that we enjoy watching fake horror, but what about when it's real? If you keep watching the film, you'll end up in it, because Max has followed you home and is lurking outside... Of course he isn't, because it's clear from the footage that he's left enough forensic evidence at at least half a dozen places to link them to each other, even if not to him. But then the film isn't about police competence. Interesting and occasionally uncomfortable but ultimately unsatisfying.
• Tenebrae - Dario Argento horror-cum-thriller classic. Peter Neal jets off to Rome to promote his best-selling novel, Tenebrae, and his arrival sparks a killing spree, with the murders apparently based on those in his book. As the Police struggle to catch the killer, Neal starts his own investigation. Top quality, convoluted suspense-filled horror from the Italian master. Occasionally spoiled by the over-intrusive synth soundtrack, but that's worth putting up with. Plenty of suspects, plenty of deaths and a false ending to boot. Top notch stuff.
• Memento - Mike from Neighbours, again, as a man suffering from short-term memory loss and trying to piece together the evidence to find the man who killed his wife. The film starts at the end and works backwards. Well, I don't know how confused Mike got but I was finding myself a bit bewildered halfway through and had to rewind to check I hadn't missed anything. Even so I think I might have to watch it again. Very well made. The backwards narrative hangs together well and even as we go back in time things still make sense. They make a different kind of sense when you get to the end of the film though.

The other thing I was holding out for was the Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood. Obviously, in the absence of a Doctor Who series, the BBC have been bigging this up for the last couple of weeks. It's obviously paid off as the viewing figures on BBC3 were apparently a record for a non-sport event on a non-terrestrial channel. A surprising 2.4 million tuned in for the first episode, and most of them stayed on for the second episode (2.3 million, in fact). I think next week will be the acid test, though. How many of those who tuned in will be coming back? I think I will be. Despite being a Doctor Who spin-off this is aimed at a more adult audience, with the strong language and sexual themes signalling this pretty obviously. But is it any good? Well, yes and no. It's well written and plotted but some of the characters are straight out of the sci-fi nerd stereotype handbook, for example. Enjoyable hokum, would be the best phrase to describe it thus far, but I'll wait for another couple of episodes before I offer a definitive judgement.

Last Saturday night, after watching a lacklustre Crewe side slip to a last-gasp defeat at home to Blackpool, I went with my mate Ian, and his son Ben, up to Manchester to catch the Icicle Works on their 25th Anniversary tour. To tell the truth, only Ian MacNabb was actually in the Icicle Works 25 years ago and a cynic might suggest that he was simply cashing in on the name to generate himself some cash. Anyway, the original purpose of our trip had been to have a lads night out, but two of our party never made it. Muzz had long been a doubt and was sadly still unavailable, and Tim dropped out at the last minute. Despite that it was a good night out. Ian is always good company and the band were pretty good. They did rely on the crowd karaoke effect a bit, which always annoys me, because I've paid to hear the band, not the assembled throng (although I haven't actually paid Ian for the ticket yet). Also, they seemed to have chosen a set-list to please themselves rather than please the audience. That said, they played most of the songs I wanted to hear, so I can't complain. The only real downside to the gig was that due to the crapness of public transport, we had to leave before the end of the encore to make sure we got the last train home. Once we got back to Crewe it was off to Nantwich for a nostalgic curry in the Indian Ocean Ian and I used to end up in there on a regular basis when we were a lot younger. I did think I should have gone for a biryani, for old times' sake, but I knew I'd not manage to eat much of it. I had a chicken tikka dupiaza with a garlic naan bread, if you must know. All in all, a top night out.

Still haven't managed to mention either my adventures watching Nantwich Town and Crewe Alexandra, or my new found hobby as a pub quiz bore and this entry is spiralling out of control. If I don't stop and post something I could still be writing this next week. After all I started this on Sunday afternoon... Anyway, I'm off to watch my beloved Crewe Alexandra aganst Manchester United in the Carling Cup tomorrow night and then pub quizzing it on Thursday so I might round to posting again at the weekend. Bet you can't wait.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Tuesday 10th October

The waters saw you and writhed

Hey, at last a little bit of downtime for me, although to be honest, I've not had that much time so far to kick back and relax. After leaving MDS on Friday it was home for a kip and then out to the Big Cheese school reunion. To tell the truth the turn-out was a bit disappointing. There were one or two people there it was good to catch up with though and the bar was open. And true to my "old skool" self, I got hideously drunk, managed to make a complete arse of myself by falling over on the dancefloor, pulled precisely no one and chucked up twice when I got home. Talk about a flashback!

Saturday, struggling through the fog of a hangover, I had to go up to Crewe Alexandra. Two reasons - the first being that as a result of having my picture taken at a previous home game and published on the club's website, I am the lucky winner of a signed Crewe team print, as per this website article. And before you ask, no, that's not Gary Roberts in the picture, it's actually Ryan Lowe's nephew. The second was, of course, to watch Crewe pull off a great escape and come back from 3-1 behind to beat Gillingham 4-3. To be fair, I didn't know that was going to happen before I set off and given the way my stomach was feeling, if I had known, I might have stayed at home. The excitement of it all didn't do my hangover any favours. On the other hand, the adrenaline rush was soon countered by watching the England team draw disappointingly at home to Macedonia...

Whilst at the match on Saturday, I was asked how old the photo on my About Me page is, as "I'd never have guessed that was you" Well, the one there was only from about 5 years ago, and I didn't think I've changed that much... Anyway, just for you Kerri I've updated it with one from about 20 years ago. Haven't changed that much since then, have I?

As my more regular readers may have noticed, I don't seem to have written much about music recently. Partly this is because my life has been taken over by football and partly this beause even the CDs I've have bought recently haven't really been worth writing about. (That and the fact I didn't want to own up to having bought an Aha compilation. Oh, damn!) Come on, anyone care to name a recent album that's been worth buying? Anyway, I have recently acquired some cutting-edge Doom-Folk, which it has to be said is quite enjoyable. Alas, I can say no more as I've been sworn to secrecy but hopefully I will be able to reveal all before Christmas. If I don't, then someone remind me please.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Monday 2nd October

Mixed Vegetables

I am on the home stretch now, enjoying my final week at MDS. There's still the Style Guide that needs finishing and a change to the latest Release Documentation but those should only take up the next couple of days at most, so I should be able to have a fairly relaxed last day on Friday. I hope so - I don't really intend doing any work and would like to get slightly drunk at lunchtime, if only so the embarrasment of making a leaving speech just washes over me. On the other hand, if I'm a bit sloshed I may say something I regret...

My Departmental Manager finally got round to trying to persuade me to stay last Friday. Fairly obviously as a result of my exit interview. Trouble is, he didnt really have anything to offer me. It was all "jam tomorrow" and I've got fed up of waiting for it. Still, he did plant enough doubt in my mind to make me take some advice on whether I'd done the right thing. I have to admit I am leaving behind a pretty solid team and leaving them at the point just when they can start doing all the things I've been pushing for over the last two and a half years or so. On the other hand, I need a new challenge, I need to get back into the habit of writing User documentation and I need to stretch my technical skills by getting down to the nitty gritty of implementing Help systems.

As I don't run this site for commercial gain and don't really have that much interest in how people find me or even who visits me, I don't look at my website log or stats very often. Last week though I did have a look at my log file and noticed that, apart from a large number of spiders that crawled across the pages, there were a couple of repeating hits where somone had linked to an image hosted on my site. Ah, hot-linkers, you cry! Indeed, a couple of myspace.com-based bandwdth bandits. I decided I should visit these cheeky young scamps and give them a right old telling-off. First up was Christopher, who actually wasn't directly responsible as one of his myspace buddies had posted the kebabpizza picture from a couple of years ago. Still, I think he was fair game. Can you spot the replacement? Second up was Amanda - more annoyingly, she's linked to one of Eddy's Koko Snacks cartoons. That's an Eddy Von Lawrence original, young lady. However, I can't do anything about that one really as she died, peacefully from a drug overdose, last June. Of course, I toyed with the idea of sending "a message from beyond" by changing the image but decided against it. She seemd a bit of a tortured soul, so I think I'll let that one pass...

Finally, if you're not doing anything interesting on Friday night, I am assured it is not too late to get your tickets for the Nantwich social event of the year - the Big Cheese school reunion. It doesn't matter if you never went - just claim to be "Jackie's cousin, you know, left in the fourth year when I got pregnant". Not sure that'll work for you blokes though...

Go on, stick your oar in: