Heart of Gold. Nerves of Steel. Knob of Butter.
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Tuesday 29th October22:00An inappropriate use of e-mailImagine my excitement on returning home from yet another hard day at the coal face of software documentation to find on my doormat an official-looking envelope, "delivered by hand to specially selected households". Wow, I thought, what have I been specially selected for? Imagine my disappointment when I opened it up to find that I'd been specially selected for this. Yep, a commerative Queen Ma coin offer. Whoop-de-fecking-doo!I have managed to persuade a couple of people to come out on Saturday to see the film, so it won't just be me and the family-sized bucket of popcorn in the Warner Village. I just need to sort out a schedule for the day and Robert will indeed be your mother's brother.
Sunday 27th October15:30Blow wind, blow.Wooh, it's a bit windy out there! Usually on a Sunday morning I amble round to Tesco to do my weekly shopping, but the strength of the wind out there persuaded me otherwise this morning. It didn't seem to be as strong as I expected but the data from this weather station in Cambridge suggests that it's really unseasonally windy. It has been strong enough to blow my neighbour's fence over and that's now blocking the passage between our houses, meaning that if I had a car I'd have to take a very circuitous route to reach it. That's kind of irrelevant as I can't drive, but you get the picture. Anyway, these winds are also causing mayhem elsewhere - at least five deaths so far, trains not running, roads blocked etc. Suffice to say, I've made my one trip out for today - to the corner shop - and I'm not going out again. Fortunately the forecast is that these weather conditions will only last for the day and clear overnight. I hope so.I quite fancy going to see 28 Days Later. It's out next week and I was thinking of fixing up a trip to see it next Saturday, which is also my birthday. I'll have to see if I can make a block booking and persuade a few of my workmates to come along. Of course Changing Lanes also opens next weekend, so I might get more takers for that.....I also noticed that a new Adam Sandler comedy - Mr Deeds opens next weekend and I thought that it sounded familiar. It turns out to be an update of Frank Capra's Mr Deeds Goes To Town. I'll admit I haven't seen it in a long time, but I'm pretty certain that the Adam Sandler version will prove to be a pale imitation. Anyone care to bet against it? Finally, I have to say that I was very disappointed by Jordan's new Break bars. The packaging promises "Breakfast In A Bar", but they're unlike any breakfast I've ever eaten in any bar. They don't smell of stale cigarette smoke, there isn't any fried food involved, and more importantly, there isn't a nice cold pint of lager to go with it. Hey, perhaps that's not the sort of breakfast in a bar they had in mind...D'Oh! Whatta Mistake-a to Make-a!
Friday 25th October18:00The Tedium of IllnessThe doctor diagnosed a viral throat infection yesterday, which is kind of a non-illness really, but is still making me feel shite. Whilst I was in the doctor's I also scored me some new tablets for my gout. And the good doctor (as opposed to the evil one) also had a slight go at me about my blood pressure. As usual it's sky high and I haven't done much in the way of changing my lifestyle to try to reduce it. So I've got some new pills to try to sort that out too. Hurrah!As anyone who has had to spend any length of time at home will know there's only so much daytime television you can watch without feeling like your brain is turning into cheese (although the fim Love On The Dole this afternoon was very good and there are the re-runs of Futurama). And I've pretty much downloaded all the CracK Whore mp3's I could ever need, so I've been terribly bored. So bored that I even did a jigsaw. A jigsaw that turned out to have two extra pieces in it. Which set me wondering whether there were actually 1000 pieces in the jigsaw, or just 998 and these two extra pieces allowed the manufacturers to claim it's a "1000-piece puzzle". And is there a very disappointed jigsaw fan somewhere with two pieces missing from their harbour scene at Seahouses? (I told you I was bored). Also, I took a look at the meagre remnants of my book collection (the rest of which is awaiting me in my parent's basement) and realised that I've got almost a dozen books that I haven't actually read. Admittedly some of these are books I was given and wouldn't choose to read, but there was a time when I would have read just about anything regardless. So I've piled them up and will work through them. As an added incentive I'm not going to buy any more books until I've finished them. And talking of books, I was listening to BBC Radio Five Live yesterday and Simon Mayo interviewed both Terry Pratchett and Yann Martel. They were both very interesting and gave differing perspectives about how, what and why they write. Sadly, they weren't in the studio at the same time, which would have been even more interesting, but it was still great radio. Decisions, decisions. In the unlikely event that I feel like going out tomorrow, I'm spoilt for choice - The Edge Festival in Cambridge or the International Poetry Festival in London. I'm torn. I see that John Hegley is appearing as part of the festival, which gives me an excuse to put up my Hegley pastiche. Last call for cheap Doc Martens shoes from Cambridge market! The shoe manufacturer has announced that it is closing it's UK factories and relocating it's entire production base to China. Whilst this will reduce their costs significantly, I bet it doesn't reduce the price of their shoes and boots. Which is a pain for me as their shoes are the only ones that ever last me more than about six months. I'd better stock up now.
Wednesday 23rd October18:00Tip of the DayMy advice for anybody assembling the news bulletins for Radio Five Live is: Try to avoid following a story about the Washington sniper with the words "In an new initiative to reduce crime the Government is targeting children as young as ten years old...." D'Oh!I've been at home for the last couple of days as I've been feeling a bit rough. I don't seem to have a fever or anything, but I've been feeling completely knackered. I suspect this is just a hangover (as opposed to a hang-over) from my cold/sore throat thing that I've been carrying the last week or so. I hope so. Of course, having managed to get in to see my doctor tomorrow, I'll feel right as ninepence in the morning.
Monday 21st October21:40100 Great Britons, 2 Big QuestionsBefore I go too crazy, here's the list of the top ten "greatest Britons", as nominated by the great British public. (Well obviously, you can spot the flaw there straight away, can't you?) In some sort of alphabetical order (although it was interesting to note that Di was mentioned last on the TV broadcast last night):
1. How in the name of Satan's portion can anyone consider Princess Diana as one of the greatest Britons of all time?
2. What in the name of Satan's portion has Anne Robinson done to her face?
Anyway, who's your greatest Briton, apart from me of course? Sunday 20th October20:30Life, Love and LaundryTime and tide waits for no man, apparently. And as you can see I haven't got a time machine that would allow me to add extra hours in the day so I can update this site more often. Thursday night I went to The Hopbine for a nosh and to say goodbye to Ian who left our department this week. And then on Friday night it was round Chris's place to watch the first series of The Office on DVD and drink a lot. I didn't actually drink much to be honest, as my gout is still quite painful. Anyway, it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening with Chris proving to be an excellent host, as ever. Then I spent yesterday just pottering round and not doing much, which is pretty much what I've done today too. Yeah, my life has really been that exciting.It's interesting to see that in the Republic of Ireland they've been holding a referendum on ratifying the Treaty of Nice, that would allow a further ten nations to join the European Union, whereas in the UK the public hasn't been consulted at all. Now, this maybe because our terms of membership of the EU are different to those of Ireland but it just highlights the differences between the government styles of the members of the EU. Let's face facts - when was the last time that the great British public was consulted/polled on matters concerning the EU? As far as I can remember probably back in 1973/74, when we first joined what was then known as the EEC. It seems that we're much more likely to be asked what our favourite single of all time or who was the "Greatest Briton?" Of course, this now makes me look like a Euro-sceptic, but that's not the case at all - I'm pro-European. And I want to be able to make my views known, or at least feel that I have in some way contributed to the great democratic process. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Wednesday 16th October23:30Caution: Do not exceed maximum recommended dosageI woke up this morning with a very painful attack of gout. So painful that the first thing I did was to take one of my Indomethacin tablets. Unfortunately, these should be taken with food to minimise "gastric irritation" and I didn't have any breakfast, so it was straight off to the toilet about an hour later. By lunchtime my gout had got no better so I took another one. And then another. But with my sandwiches this time. Anyway, I'd now had three pills instead of the recommended daily dose of one. Bad move. Apart from all the other possible dangers, listed on this Warnings page one of the side effects is drowsiness. By the time I got to work I could barely keep my eyes open. I managed to do about fve minutes worth of work before packing it in and returning home. I was feeling thoroughly spaced out and the bus journey seemed to be taking place to someone else. Once I got home, I crashed out on the sofa and slept for almost three hours. I'm still feeling pretty knackered now and am just posting this and then going to bed. I won't be making that mistake again, no matter how bad my gout gets. Especially not now I've seen what the other possible side effects are.
Tuesday 15th October00:30Questions, questions, always questions.Has Timothy Spall ever appeared in anything rubbish?Well, a quick squint on The Internet Movie Database suggests that actually he has - Still Crazy and Rock Star being prime examples - but I can't think of anything I've actually seen him in that hasn't been utterly watchable. Over the past couple of nights on Channel 4 they've been showing yet another drama in which he plays an excellent part. The show's called Bodily Harm and if you missed it, find someone who video-ed or you'll have to wait till it comes out on Video/DVD. It was thoroughly excellent, although not a particularly uplifting experience.
Could Stagecoach Cambridge organise a piss-up in a brewery?
What do you think, Sparky? Monday 14th October20:45Go, go gadget-phone!Ah, the lure of 3G, the beauty of technology, the power of advertising. Well, maybe not the last one. Anyway, my team leader, Chris has got himself a fancy new phone. Not only is it all-singing, all-dancing and makes the tea, but it can also store pictures with the phone numbers, so that he can see who it is ringing him. He apparently spent most of yesterday downloading pictures in to the address book. Amusingly, he's used one of the "scary looking" pictures of me from Lisa's website (see elsewhere, not here). Anyway, I suppose this facility will prove useful should he ever lose the ability to read. Like after about 4 pints of cider....It's short but sweet tonight - been working late and have got to go and grab something to eat before settling down to slob out in front of the TV for a couple of hours.
Sunday 13th October20:00Insert witty phrase hereHaving received numerous "helpful" reminders over the last three months that my domain name registrations were "about to expire" (yeah, in November, thank you) I got round to renewing them today. At a bargain price of almost £45 for the the next two years. Actually, I've no idea if that's a bargain or not as I didn't bother trying to shop around and just went with my original hosting company UK2.net as it seemed less hassle. I've not had any problems with them so far (touch wood).The problems connecting to the enetation site seem to have been resolved, so the comments pop-ups have been re-enabled, you'll be delighted to notice. I missed Sarah's party last night as my cold has turned into a delightful hacking cough and I really didn't feel up to travelling up to Rutland. On the one hand I was disappointed to miss out, but on the other, when I woke up at about 3 a.m. this morning barely able to breathe and feeling like I was choking, I was mighty glad I hadn't gone. I managed to get over my initial panic quite quickly but, after a quick cup of tea and a good cough to clear my lungs/throat, I then only slept fitfully for the rest of the night. I even found myself getting up to watch the Japanese Grand Prix in the hope that that would send me back to sleep. True to form it worked like a charm and after the initial excitement and anti-climax of the start (I hate it when no one crashes) I dozed through till about three laps from the end. I hope I manage to sleep better tonight otherwise I'll be fit for nothing at work tomorrow (so no change there, eh?). I was going to discuss the Slovakia vs England game today, but I think I'll leave it to those better qualified. Personally I thought it was a poor performance by England, no one looked like they wanted to take control of the midfield and they were lucky to get away with a win. That said, I wasn't too bothered by the result as my boys, Crewe Alex, had already secured the result of the day by winning 4-1 away at Stockport. Come on you Reds!
Saturday 12th October23:30"A scary looking mofo"Who? Me? Well according to one of the comments here I am. And you know what? I was actually quite pleased to read that. It's a high maintenance look that requires a strict diet of junk food and lager and endless hours of not working out at the gym, so I'm glad to see that my lack of hard work is paying off. What's that you say? It's not a compliment?Despite my marvellous cold I managed to drag myself out to the Milton Brewery. I was meant to go in August but missed out as I was unwell then too, so I was obligated to go this time. Our tour party was made up mainly of guys from Citrix, led by Micky's mate, Matt, and there was me, Micky and young Chris from Convergys and Chris dragged a couple of his housemates along. Milton laid on Electra, Minotaur and (I think) Jupiter on for tasting/knocking back in copious amounts. The tour was actually pretty interesting, although I must say that if you don't like spiders it can be unsettling. There are webs everywhere as the spiders perform a useful function in keeping the flies out of the malt. And as there are a lot of flies about, some of the spiders are enormous. But then as the alternative pest control method involves spraying chemicals everywhere, I suppose having spiders around is preferable. Another treat that the brewery laid on, as part of the buffet was Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce. This stuff is evil. I had a tiny smidgeon and my tongue and lips were on fire for about ten minutes, but one guy form Citrix had rather more and was literally crying. It was kind of worrying for a while. Anyway, a good time was had by all and I'd thoroughly recommend it. And I didn't have a hangover this morning, which was nice. There seems to be a problem connecting to the site hosting my comments at the moment, so I've temporarily disabled them on this page, otherwise it will never load. I haven't done the archive pages though, so you might have trouble with those. As soon as I find out when everything is alright again I'll reinstate them.
Thursday 10th October19:30Oh, am I still ill?Well, yes, although the floodgates of my sinuses have opened, which wasn't pleasant last night whilst I was trying to sleep, but does at least mean I don't feel like I've been smacked in the face, anymore. Still, unless things show a marked improvement overnight, I'm unlikely to be going to Sarah's party, which'll make me look like a bit of a c*nt, I think, but I really don't want to take risks with my health. I will be going back to work tomorrow though, as I'm starting to go stir-crazy at home. Already.Good news - Lisa's photos from Jack's party are now online here so check them out and enjoy, although sadly there are none of the girl in the see-through top.... I seem to pick the worst times to be off ill - other people manage to time it for the World Cup or Commonwealth Games or something, but what do I get? The Conservative Party conference. I heard some of Ian Duncan Smith's speech today, and was singularly unimpressed. In one sentence he was telling the party that they had to stop looking backwards and then in the next he was harking back to the 1979 general election campaign. Make your mind up, man! Being an embittered product of the Thatcher years, I'm obviously biased against the Tory party, but even so I couldn't see anything in the speech that was likely to persuade me to change my allegiance at all. But then I'm not the target audience, am I? They've got to reclaim the disillusioned ex-Tories and the floating voters. Don't think they'll manage to do that either. (Hurrah!)
Wednesday 9th October18:00I'm a sick man.........but you all know that. Also, I am unwell, having succumbed to the latest cold-cum-flu-thing that's doing the rounds of the office. I feel like someone has whacked me in the face because my sinuses are so congested and I'm running a bit of a temperature. I'm currently dosing myself up with Lemsip Max Strength ("It's not for wimps!"), vitamin C and Lucozade in an effort to get over the worst of this in time for the weekend's festivities - Milton Brewery on Friday and Sarah's party on Saturday. Currently, I'm hopeful that I'll make it. And now I'm off to watch The Simpsons on BBC2 to cheer myself up.
Tuesday 8th October19:30Ska-Punk-atastic, mate!Last night I went to see a marvellous triple bill at The Junction. First up were Consumed - who are probably best known for their two contributions to the Fat Wreck Chords samplers (certainly to me, anyway). Happily they played both 'Dear James' and 'Twat Called Maurice', the latter of which had admirable vocal assistance provided by a couple of guys picked from the audience. It was fabulous punk/new wave stuff. Next up were the ever reliable Snuff. Top tunes, top entertainment, top performances, top band. Well, as if I hadn't enough fun, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were simply awesome. I have to be honest, of the three bands they were the ones I was least bothered about, but they simply blew me away. Their records might be a bit limp, but live they're a totally different outfit. Thoroughly recommended. The only complaint I could have was that once again the vocals for all three bands weren't quite loud enough. I thought it was just me at first but a couple of other people said the same thing. Also, I felt rather old when I recognised the music being played between bands - it was The Rezillos 'I Can't Stand...' LP, released in 1978 (although I bought my copy at a jumble sale some years later), which made it older than about 90 per cent of the audience.As I mentioned briefly yesterday, my workmate Jack threw a party on Saturday night to celebrate his birthday. All the usual suspects were there and Chris and Lisa took loads of photos. I think Lisa's planning to put some up on her site, although I haven't checked, and obviously Chris had to delete all the good ones. Needless to say I looked devilishly handsome, as usual. We all got very drunk, as usual. And I shared a lift home with Micky, as usual. Well, look at this - a whole day off and I still can't manage to update my site before tea-time. Well, this time I have a reasonable excuse. Inspired by a conversation with Chris on Saturday, I was enjoying The Fat Fakir's Film Festival. Actually it's a video festival, but let's not split hairs. I started off with Stigmata which was OK. It was a bit lightweight and not quite the film that the blurb on the back of the video had led me to believe. I was expecting more involvement from Jonathan Pryce as the "villain" and Gabriel Byrne to be under a bit more of a threat. And as for the claim that "It'll scare the Hell into you" well, nope. Not bad though and the video was refreshingly free of trailers. Anyway, I followed that with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. First up, I've got to say that those stunts might have looked awesome on the big screen, but on my telly they just looked a bit silly. Especially the running/leaping across the rooftops. Also, the film lost some of it's momentum when it suddenly switched to give us a twenty minute background fill-in segment. I think that could have been handled a bit better - maybe done as a flashback scene when the two lead female characters are talking. That might have lent a bit more credibility to their bonding as "sisters" too. Again, the blurb on the back of the video oversold the story - it was hardly a "battle against evil forces" more a battle against one bitter old woman and her naive apprentice/ward. I'd probably watch it again, but next time I'll fast forward through the desert scenes. Finally, I'm finishing off with Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back which is being aired on terrestrial television this evening. Alright it is the "Special Edition" which isn't the choice of the Star Wars purists that I know, although it's still probably the best of the original trilogy. Lastly - I've not had a chance to look at the comment mechanism yet - I'll save that for tomorrow night. Cheers.
Monday 7th October23:45Natalie Portman's Nipples of TruthI did mean to update the site yesterday, but I got so drunk and stayed so late at Jack's party that I had to write yesterday off. There's some pictures of that somewhere, but sadly, Melanie made Chris delete all the pictures he took of the delightful young lady in the lacy, see-through top. More on this story tomorrow. Possibly.I've just got back in from seeing another fantastic triple bill at The Junction, and I'll be reviewing that tomorrow too. As well as having a look at the problem with the comment thing fecking up e-mail addresses. Good job I've got the day off from work, eh?
Friday 4th October22:45Abandon Ship!Still wary of commenting about work here, but the trickle of people leaving my place seems to be turning into a flood. Of course, the recent redundancies might have made people more aware of others leaving, but this week it emerged that two more people from my own department are packing up and leaving too, making three in a very short space of time. Kind of worrying, don't you think? Especially as this means I might get more work to do.....(Actually, I hope I do, otherwise I'll start looking for a new job myself).A new series of Late Night Poker starts on Channel 4 tonight. (Yeah, I know this is starting to turn into "Jim reviews the world" but bear with me). I love the game, especially the Texas Hold 'Em rules that they play in this series. And if you think watching people play cards is dull, you couldn't be more wrong. Although the under-the-table camera allows you to see what the players are holding, the great fascination of this game is the bluff and counter-bluff as they try to either win with nothing or trap people with good hands. And like any good sporting contest, you soon find yourself siding with some players and loathing others. Tune in, turn on and cash me out. Or something. I read Tom Baker's 'The Boy Who kicked Pigs' this week. Well, I say this week, but in fact it took me little over an hour on Monday. Despite that, it's a fine book, a cautionary tale for children, indeed. It certainly deserves to sit alongside Roald Dahl's more gruesome children's stories. And is beatifully illustrated. If you've got a Fopp near you, it's worth checking to see if they've got this in stock. If not, come to the one in Cambridge and tell them the FatFakir sent you. They won't have a clue what you're on about, but it'll be worth it to see the confused look on their faces. Whatta mistake-a to make-a! I was pleased to see that I'd got a few comments, finally, but somewhat less than pleased to see that I'd cocked up on the code front and in fact had the same set of comments twice. Arse! I hope I've managed to get things right this time.
Thursday 3rd October16:00MOSH-MUNGOUS!!!!It's been a while since I went to a gig where all the bands were excellent, but last night was one of those rare occasions. Of course, you can't really go far wrong with techno beats, metal riffs and shouty vocals, in my opinion, but even so....The place was heaving - certainly fuller than I've seen it before. The Kennedy Soundtrack kicked things off. Their best songs were probably the first one and the last one, whose titles I can't remember (but then I am getting on a bit), but they were pretty impressive and I'll be looking out for them in the future. Taproot were up next. They were a bit more melodic than The Kennedy Soundtrack, but that's not a bad thing. During one song the lead singer wandered off stage with his radio mike, singing all the while. This confused me for a bit, but then I spotted him making his way round the back of the audience (and past me) unlike the "courting" couple about three feet away who were somewhat surprised, to say the least, when he attempted to force them closer together. And even more surprised when they realised who it had been after he moved on. Well, it made me laugh anyway. Anyway, Taproot did an excellent set and warmed things up nicely for the mosh-frenzy of Pitchshifter. It was mad, Ted. I was stood quite near the back and there were people moshing not more than three feet away. Unbelievable. Pitchshifter were pretty fantastic, although I would say that the sound mix was pretty muddy (it seemed to me) so some of the subletites of their recorded material were lost, plus the vocals weren't quite loud enough. Still, top metal action. I decided to follow my new nu-metal tendencies this morning and bought Kerrang! this morning as it has a free CD on the front. For £1.80, it was bargain, especially as it features "Myself" by Taproot amongst other things. Ironically though after about track 12 ("Psychotic Break" by Jerry Cantrell, fact fans) my PC CD player started skipping and I've had to listen to it on the "piece-of-shit, second-hand ghetto blaster" that I paid £40 for five years ago, rather than the "state-of-the-art" PC that cost me about a grand and a half. Which is kind of annoying for a supposed "Home Entertainment" PC. On the other hand I did buy it from Tiny, so I suspect the CD player in the PC wouldn't have cost £40 if I'd bought that on it's own..... Finally, I've added this comment facility to my site - is anybody ever going to use it? Is it a sign that no one ever visits here? Is there anybody out there?
Tuesday 1st October23:00A pinch and a punch - first of the monthCheap joke alert: The BBC were showing a programme about narcolepsy this evening. I would have watched it, but I fell asleep.Last week I had a moan about the crapness of the BBC's scheduling/advertising policy, but I refrained from suggesting that it would only be a matter of weeks before Farscape was booted out of it's usual slot to make way for some minority sport or other. Well, feck me sideways with the Radio Times, if they aren't postponing next week's episode (the second half of a two-parter, by the way) to show some fecking dull snooker tournament instead. C**ts. Still at least they haven't reviewed the episodes on their site thereby spoiling any chance of enjoying it. I'm wary of saying anything about work on here, but I do have to comment about what happened today. Our department head has left, which was on the cards for a while, but was announced today. And the way some people reacted you'd think the Wicked Witch of the West had just had a house fall on her (or was that the Witch of the East, I can never remember). Honestly, it was hard to tell if I was at work or back in the school playground. (We've all made that mistake though, surely? No? Just me? I'll get me coat.) Still I got a two hour lunch down the local Chinese restaurant out of it, and left work at a reasonable hour for a change, so I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. Off to see Pitchshifter tomorrow night, so next update on Thursday, probably.
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