Heart of Gold. Nerves of Steel. Knob of Butter.
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Tuesday 30th July22:45Just a quick update to say that I finally received some stuff from Rad to put on my site, but unfortunately it's in the wrong format. Some comedy Mac/PC incompatibility thing there, so I've got to sort it out before I can put it up. It's cartoons too, so I'll have to change the title of his page. Still, it'll be worth the wait, probably.
Monday 29th July21:45That's just mad, TedHere's a story from my weekend that will get you thinking about how fecked up the education system in Britain is.One of my ex-colleagues decided after she got made redundant (along with the rest of us) that she'd like to go back to teaching. Well, why not? It's got to be more interesting than working with computers. And more rewarding, if not as well paid. Anyway, she was refused a place on a course to train as a German teacher on the grounds that, as a native German speaker, she'd have an unfair advantage over the rest of the intake. What!!?!?!?! You're saying that a German can't qualify to teach German, because they speak German? You're having a frikkin' laugh, aintcha? What next? Would-be drama teachers being turned down on the grounds that they're too camp already? PE teachers not being allowed to be good at sport? Hold on, that'd explain the state of the PE teachers at my old school....Anyway, it's just mad, Ted, and there's no other way to explain it. By the way, you might have noticed that I sometimes have trouble getting the date right. That's not because I can't work a calendar, but because I never really examine the date too closely these days. All I know is that another week or month has gone by, and that time seems to be speeding up as I get older. There are never enough hours in the day any more. I tell you, sometimes I wish I'd starting writing this when I was young enough to stay up all night AND work the next day too.
Sunday 28th July23:45Well, first things first, I had a great time on Saturday night, the new catchphrase got a few outings and, as is always the way, the old ones got a decent run out too. It was great to see everyone who was there and a shame that not everyone could make it. (Yes, Helens B & C, I do mean you.) Obviously there's now the Christmas bash to look forward to, should I start planning that one now?Secondly, I've got a new banner - better font and much better graphics, done for me by Paul who was lamenting my lack of design skills. But then, I'm a writer, not an artist. Anyway, he's tidied it up and made it look a lot better. Thanks Paul, I've added you to my list of links on the right. Thirdly, I was looking at this site on Thursday and one of the sites they featured (and I'm sorry but I didn't take note of which one) had link to this page which contains a lot of useful information about how to make your website more accessible to people with disabilities. This obviously covers loads of things that I hadn't even thought about and fortunately there's a downloadable PDF available. It's mainly aimed at bloggers, but even the "old skool" handcoders, like me, can make use of the tips. I'll be working my way through that this week and implementing the tips on my site. And then adding an accessibility statement. I've no real idea of how much traffic I get, but I would like everybody to be able to see my site, even if they wander in here by accident.
Friday 26th July22:45CatchphrasesNo, I haven't been out having a life, I was knackered on Wednesday night, and Thursday night I went to see Austin Powers 3. I laughed like a drain throughout, but still came away feeling a little dissatisfied. Perhaps I was expecting a bit much. Anyway, check it out, make your own minds up.Anyway, on to the subject of the day - Catchphrases. Everyone's got one. That little saying or phrase that you use everyday, even if it's only "y'know" or "Hiya, you alright?". And if you use it often enough people start to associate it with you. Now, over the years I've used a lot of catchphrases (not all of them my own, I hasten to add) with varying degrees of success, and here are a few that spring to mind:
"....but it's OK, I'm not bitter." There's some other stuff I'd like to mention, but that can wait till the next update on Sunday evening now. I promise it'll be quite interesting. Well, I found it interesting...
Tuesday 23rd July21:00Ah, how our memory plays tricks on us. I looked up the Elton number, because I wasn't sure it was right, and it wasn't. 'Song for Guy' wasn't released till about 1978, so it must have been 'Funeral for a Friend/Love lies Bleeding'. Must remember to check my facts, next time...
9:00Very Proust, IanYou can blame Lisa for this one, having mentioned how a certain song evoked a specific memory. I thought about the songs that do the same for me and here, in reverse order, are my top five musical madelaines....5. 'Geno'- Dexys Midnight Runners. This one takes me straight back to late '79/early '80, dancing to this down at the Thursday night Under-18's disco at the Central Hall in Walsall. Me and Danny making small talk with the cool girls from school, who were surprised to see us anywhere decent. Having to leave early to get home. Arse. 4. 'Romeo & Juliet' - Dire Straits. I didn't even like ths tune when it came out, but my then girlfriend, Sarah, loved it. In fact, I soon sussed that I only had to put this record on and she was putty in my hand. Which makes me sound like a manipulative bastard, which I was. Needless to say, this was playing when we lost our virginity together. Yep, that's probably too much information. 3. 'Kids In America' - Kim Wilde. Another year, another disco. This time the Cheshire Cat, Nantwich. Given all the other great records that were out at the time, it's strange that this is the one that evokes the memory, but there you go. Dress shirts, peg trousers, Phil Oakey-style hair (which looked crap, surprisingly) and trying to be 'into' more obscure bands than your mates. 2. 'Germ Free Adolescents' - X Ray Spex. Saturday night in Liverpool 1986, watching Monique finish getting ready to go out for the night, while she plays this to put her "in the mood". Going out on the town, having a fantastic time and continuing the fantastic time back at her place. 1. 'Funeral For A Friend' - Elton John. Not a girl, and not a disco, but this one always takes me right back. I'm six or seven years old, sitting in the back seat of my Dad's Ford Cortina, with my siblings, car rugs over our knees, as Dad makes the long drive back from my grandparents in Yorkshire to our home in Bedfordshire. Travelling down the motorway late at night, with the lights of the towns and villages looking so beautiful and alluring, this was always playing on Radio 2, along with some other space-themed song I can only half-remember, and it always seemed to be the last thing they played before they shutdown at midnight. Even now, without the song, I'm back there. If you've got any favourite memory-inducers, why not let me know and I'll post them on here or something. Cheers.
Saturday 20th July22:00Minor ReportWent to see Minority Report this morning. There was me and about half a dozen other hardy souls there, including the two kids who had been in front of me at the box office and tried to get tickets to see Resident Evil, but were refused on age grounds. By all accounts they saw the better film. Having read the original Philip K. Dick story, albeit about twenty years ago, I had a rough idea of what to expect plotwise, but the film was really well done and for once Spielberg didn't give the whole thing a terribly schmaltzy ending, or leave the ending open for a Minority Report II. Mind you, after the way he pissed all over the end of AI (which was actually mostly a Kubrick film) I suppose he had to make a decent film to get everyone back onside. Anyway, it gets the "Freetime thumbs-up" from the Reverend Jim. So go and see it.While I was at the cinema I booked tickets for Austin Powers 3 and Men In Black II, so you can expect more film reviews in the near future. Sorry.
Friday 19th July23:59If you have tears, prepare to shed them nowFor I have seen Scooby Doo: The Movie and it was truly awful. It takes all your cherished memories from the cartoon series and craps all over them from a great height. And worse, it features the abomination that is, was, and ever shall be, Scrappy Doo. Not even the knowing, ironic treatment he gets can redeem that. Let's face it, even Joseph Barbera said that he thought Scrappy Doo was a mistake. But it's not just the repellent Doo creature that ruins this film. Shaggy is permanently gurning throughout like some sort of acid-casualty, Sarah Michelle Gellar appears to have a "must fight like Buffy" clause in her contract and Scooby is given whole tracts of dialogue. What next, the unconvincing CGI-animation gets to play Hamlet? Give me a break. I happened to see the cartoon movie 'Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost' on Channel 5 and thought that was bad enough, but this is even worse. Avoid it like the plague.I'm off to see 'Minority Report' tomorrow, so expect another reasoned, Barry Norman-style critique of that.....
Wednesday 17th July23:00"Its like rai-ai-ain on your wedding day"Ah, where's Alanis when you need to show her the true meaning of irony, eh? I spent yesterday evening at a Council focus group in which the main source of dicussion was the transport situation here in Cambridge. (Twenty of your English pounds for an hour and a half of chatting with half a dozen other people. Can't be bad.) Anyway, I argued that the buses have definitely improved since I first moved here, and then afterwards I had to wait an hour for a bus home after two successive buses failed to show up. It would have been laughable except for the fact that when the bus did finally show, it was absolutely packed with all the other people who'd been waiting an hour. Thanks, Stagecoach.
Monday 15th July22:15It's funny how some things can suddenly put your life back into perspective. Sport Relief on Saturday night bought home to me the fact that compared to people elsewhere in the world I've got nothing to moan about. I feel a whole lot better about my current situation. I think there are a couple of things I need to put right/make amends for, but by and large everything's fine in my world.Went to the company's annual summer party on Sunday. The weather was fantastic, the beer flowed freely, and there was enough food to feed an army. As long as it wasn't a vegetarian army, that is. I got sunburnt, but that's nothing new for me - more than 30 minutes in the sun is usually enough to turn me lobster pink. The only disappointment of the day was that the great range of entertainments and inflatables didn't feature one of these. A big "Thank You" to Tim and Julie for giving me a lift and looking after me. I hope I didn't scare your kids too much! And if they start swearing, you know who to blame....
Saturday 13th July 200223:00Did the "helping move house" thing today. Fortunately, there were plenty of willing hands to help, so despite the enormous amount of stuff there was to move, it got done relatively quickly. The hot weather didn't help - I was dripping with sweat, and that's not a pleasant thing - but at least I got some free beer out of it. Cheers, Nova! Mind you, my back is killing me now.
Friday 12th July 200223:45Not much to say today. BT came and repaired my phone line first thing this morning, and I uploaded the last update at about 9:45 this morning. Fortunately, didn't get any e-mail from Liz Hurley, so I expect she'll ask me next week instead, when I'll be skint.....Anyway, I have tidied up this page a little bit, so that it isn't quite so long and unwieldy. I'm going to be out and about this weekend, helping someone move and attending the company's summer party, so expect more news updates, but no exciting new features. Sorry.
Thursday 11th July
22:00I am fffffurrrrriousss!!!I got home from work this evening to find that some brainless c**ts have pulled the external cabling for my second phone line right out of the wall. If I find out who was responsible, I'll kill 'em! Losing my second line means I have no Internet access, so I am writing this not knowing when I'll be able to post it. Also, I hope Liz Hurley hasn't e-mailed asking me if I'm free tomorrow night, again. Why does she never give me more notice? Anyway, BT have arranged for someone to come round tomorrow, but the best guess-timate they can give me is sometime between 8am and 1pm. Not really too helpful as I could have done with being at work then, but as the next appointment after that wasn't till Tuesday, I didn't have much choice.It's always nice to have your faith in your own abilities and talents boosted, and several people have said nice things about my website re-design, which pleases me no end. I'm glad people like it and hopefully a few more people will start taking a look soon. The site has also started turning up in Google searches, which I think is a good sign. Perhaps that's just because I've included loads of sexual terms in my Meta tags, though! That's it for now - there's more news to come, but it can wait till I'm calm and re-connected.
Wednesday 10th July
22:15Hurrah! Only 15 days till I get paid again, and I'm already skint. Think I'll be staying in a lot and working on this website for the next fortnight or so. Maybe I'll even get the "Who's in the Bin" feature up and running! Don't hold your breath, though.
Tuesday 9th July23:00Had the misfortune of spending today at probably the dullest company meeting of all time. We learnt nothing new, except that the economic slow down in the telecoms sector is not over and that things will get worse before they get better. The reluctance of the President of our division to divulge 2nd Quarter results ahead of their announcement to the stock market doesn't bode well, whatever the reason for it. Not even a hint.Spent most of the afternoon in text conversation with an ex-cow-orker, whose company has just announced a 10% staff reduction across the board. I really hope she'll be OK, but as she doesn't read this, that's probably a wasted sentiment. Went for beers and curry after the meeting, but wasn't feeeling too excited about the whole thing, so drank more than I should, said things I shouldn't and nicked off early when Richard offered me a lift post-curry. He's a top man, Richard, despite his duck-murdering past....
Monday 8th July 200221:55I spent a long weekend getting drunk with some good friends, in Salisbury. Which is why this site has only been partially updated - I've spent most of today catching up with my sleep and sobering up a bit in preparation for an off-site company meeting tomorrow.I met up with Steve on Friday lunchtime and we travelled down from Waterloo together. Coopers Bar on Waterloo station has not improved one iota since I first went in there about six years ago. It's a dive. sadly the beer on the train was even worse - Stella (brewed in Luton) or Carlsberg. Still, needs must when the devil drives. We got to Salisbury at about quarter to four, checked into our hotel and immediately repaired to the bar, where Grolsch was on draught. Not brilliant, but infinitely preferable to Carling. *shudder* Foz arrived about an hour later, and the serious drinking started. Steve and I ducked out at about 7pm for a "quick bite to eat" and returned three hours later having visited the scabbiest fried chicken joint in the Universe (Chick-O-Land - we should have known better. I certainly had cause to regret it later) and done a tour of some of the other pubs in the area. Fortunately, Foz had a fine time talking to the delicious barmaid, Vicky, and "Jimbo" (Julian) had arrived by then too. Having started on the G&T's at some point during the evening, I had to retire early, but the rest of the lads stayed up till the early hours. Saturday breakfast should have been a subdued affair, but we were still drunk, I think, and somewhat raucous. Time for a quick-ish shower and we were off to army2002. This was a fantastic display of weaponry and culminated in an awesome firepower display in the form of an all-out assualt using live rounds. The weather was fantastic too - we all caught the sun to some extent. The only downside was the traffic - we spent ages queueing to get on and off the site. Returning to the hotel around 6pm, Steve and Foz went for a quick nap, while Julian and I settled down for a "couple of drinks". 8 pints each later, the boys had returned and we nipped out for a pizza. Unfortunately, by the time we got back the hotel bar was closing, so we settled for a couple of bottles of wine and three pints of Grolsch (for me) to take out. Quite how I managed to get them up the spiral staircase to my room is anybody's guess. Sunday was much quieter - the bar didn't open till 12. Steve's girlfriend Gill showed up not much after that and they left after one drink. Julian decided he was sober enough to drive by 1pm and left to meet his girlfriend, Which left me and Foz to knock back a few till closing at 3pm. We headed off to the station, and arrived back in Waterloo at about 5. There was some sort of security scare on which meant we were herded off the station for about 5 minutes. Anyway, this kind of killed off any further thoughts of booze, so we went our separate ways, and I got back to Cambridge at about 7pm. And went virtually straight to bed. I'm still knackered now. Fantastic weekend, chaps. Let's do it again, but not until my liver has grown back!
18:30And I'm back! I have redesigned this site to get rid of the evil frames and to make it a bit more workable and t'ing. Yeah, I know some of this stuff hasn't actually been updated yet, but I'll get round to it, slowly, but surely. I'll be turning this into a blog of sorts, with occasional updates and stuff. And, yeah it's meant to be in black and red. Anyway, there's a couple of things I have to get off my chest today, so you're just going to have to bear with me. Or click your Back button. 1. The current series of Big Brother has been pretty poor. I don't know whether I'd have found it more interesting if I had E4, but from what I've seen/heard the coverage on there has been pretty patchy too. Of course, all the stats from C4 say that this has been a big success, so what do I know? Anyway, that's not really my point, as I was musing the other day on what would happen if the housemates just refused to co-operate with the Big Brother team? Not the half-assed complaining they had last week, but a full-on, non-compliance fest. Would security throw them all out? And if you had to make Big Brother:The Movie, based on that same premise, who would you cast? I got as far as Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, Halle Berry, and Jane Horrocks.Yeah, alright, maybe I haven't thought this one through. 2. Work. It might be a pain in the ass, but when it provides you with the means to have a great weekend away, on the beers, with some good friends, then it doesn't seem so bad. I was unemployed for a long time, and the worst thing about it was that for all the free time I had, I couldn't actually afford to go anywhere or do anything. If I hadn't had my guitar, I think I would have been bored to death. Now, of course, I have the means but not the free time. Ah, you just can't win can you? 3. Your dreams are meant to be the key to your psyche, or something. Well, what does this one say about me? Last night I dreamt that I was at home with a few colleagues when someone broke into my house, and we had to fight them off, and it involved hand-to-hand combat and bows and arrows. There were also some children involved, but I can't remember that part too clearly. I think they were part of a three-way fight. Anyway, I ended up co-operating with one of the original burglars against the kids. Anyway, the scenario ended with me and him walking away from the house, with a grudging respect but still wary of each other. And then I dreamt that it had all been a film and Hollywood had remade the ending so that as we were walking away, we hugged and became friends. And I woke up cross that that had happened. I think I was just telling myself that life isn't like the movies, but I could be wrong.....
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