Saturday 26th March

From disciples the unending subtleties of river power

'Tis only just over a fortnight since the last update, you lucky people, and here's another one - prepared earlier and amended and posted in a post-lastfriday haze of alcohol. There'll probably be a few spelling mistakes and it might not be valid 4.01 Transitonal HTML anymore either, but such is life. Still, I'll be back in a couple of weeks or so to fix it.

The reason for the early and somewhat rushed post is that I'm off to watch the England Under-18s play Denmark Under-18s at the Alexandra Stadium in Crewe. Kick -off is at 12.30pm, so I've got to be away by about 9am. The game should finish at about quarter past two, which should give us just enough time to get home to catch the senior England team make heavy weather of beating Northern Ireland. I'll have mixed emotions on this one - I want England to win, obviously, but I also want the Crewe boys in the Northern Irish squad (Colin "Howlin' Mad" Murdoch and Steve "Jonah" Jones) to do well. I think a comfortable 3-1 win, with Jonah getting the Northern Ireland goal in the last ten minutes would suit me.

Last night's lastfriday was possibly the penultimate one. The current leaseholders are not renewing when it expires at the end of April and at the moment there's nothing definite in place for after that. Anyway, once again the main man, PapaKev, has managed to assemble a cracking line up. Opening with The Fire Escape Routine's emo/screamo/nemo-rock. These guys were OK but suffered from the fact that there are a lot of bands doing this sort of thing (the entire Revelation Records roster for one) and they're not bringing anything new. A few tunes might have helped. Following them was Bhuna, who started off like Neil Young and Crazy Horse but then sadly went a bit downhill. Their vocalist is very good, sounding a bit like Paul Weller, but they seemed to be very samey. The same accusation could, of course, be thrown at that deadly blast of hardcore that is Here Is the List of Your Dead Friends but these guys know how to ramp it up. Kicking off with an intro from Crazy Eddie they started at 100mph and didn't let up. Pure visceral excitement. They've been gigging regularly since their last performance at the Civic and have also ditched a vocalist (something I thought they should have done after that first Civic gig, to be honest). This show was about twenty times better than their last appearance here. Top stuff and not just because my pipe got a mention... Following that, and finishing the evening off, we saw the return of local leg-ends Bullrush who have flirted with success in the past. A little longer in the tooth than the average band to have graced the stage (with maybe the exception of Abdoujaparov), but that's not a bad thing. Their infectious indie-guitar-pop was a perfect way to round the evening off. Awesome. I'm sure that up in Heaven the baby Jesus himself was joining in with the applause. Once the gig was finished, it was off to the Red Lion for a beer or two with Dan and then a pizza and back home. I'm afraid I was very, very drunk.

Speaking of football, my little smashers, Crewe Alex have continued their downward plunge towards the relegation dogfight with the points gap between them and League One football narrowing somewhat. The personal low point recently being the 4-1 defeat at home to Wolves, with my nephew asking plaintively at about the 25 minute mark if we could go home. And they were only losing 2-1 at that point. Still we've eased the pressure a little by getting respectable draws away to Cardiff and West Ham - not that there was anything respectable about the manner they were achieved in, but if you'd said we'd draw at those places at the start of the season I'd have been quite happy with that. And to be honest we were a little unfortunate not to get something out the game against Sunderland, who looked alarmingly poor despite the fact they were second in the table at the time. But Crewe are once again facing a battle to avoid the drop at the end of the season. It's hard to believe that we were eighth in the table on New Years Day.

Tag team Technical Authoring? Me old muckers from those wonderful, far-off days working at JBA/Geac will be pleased/perplexed/worried/scared (delete as appropriate) to learn that I'll be teaming up again with Fiona, who's joining my department at MDS this week to help me knock the other members of the authoring team into shape. A happy combination of circumstances meant that Fi was looking for a job as we were looking for a replacement technical author. She was the best candidate, she got the job and if she can put up with me for three months or so I get a handy-dandy hundred-and-fifty quid recruitment bonus! Result all round. Now to start on phase two of my plan for world domination....

In the last week or so, I have managed to read Vernon God Little by DBC Pierre. It's very good. It kept me gripped, even though the ending was half-expected. Worth checking out, especially if you can get it for less than the cover price. Musically, I've been underwhelmed by albums by The Killers and Franz Ferdinand. The Killers are alright but the bassline for 'Jenny Was a Friend of Mine' is a virtual lift from The Smiths 'Barbarism Begins At Home' and they follow that with another virtual copy - this time Placebo's 'Special K' returns as 'Mr Brightside'. After that I lost interest as the album sort of peters out (yeah, after the first two tracks). To be honest, if you want to hear this sort of winsome indie guitar-pop, you might as well track down The Field Mice or The Brilliant Corners, who were doing this sort of thing fifteen or so years ago. Franz Ferdinand on the other hand, are mining an older seam, happy to lift songs almost wholesale from the likes of Gang of Four and Wire, safe in the knowledge that only sad old gits like me will have heard them and that gullible students will buy them by the bucketload. Not encouraging. I've also picked up The Libertines second album, which is pretty good. Maybe not quite as good as their first but still much, much better than the other two albums I've mentioned thus far. Other than that I've been on a retro tip, picking up albums by Captain Beefheart (the essential 'Safe As Milk'), Heaven 17, and Bauhaus. All good stuff.

And that's about it. No new recommendations on the snack front this time, I'm afraid - I haven't had time or inclination to search out the weird and the wonderful on your behalf lately, although I can tell you that Diet Coke with Lime tastes disgusting in any state other than ice cold. You could probably have figured that out for yourselves. Check you later.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Thursday 10th March

State within the heaven shower

First up, an apology for not having an update at the end of last month - I was all set for a jaunt to lastfriday to see 6ft Midget et al strut their funky stuff, when I was struck down by a bout of 'flu. I was in no state to travel and indeed spent most of the weekend wrapped up warm and knocking back the Lemsip like it was going out of fashion. Still, I have made a sufficient recovery to return midweek for this surprise update as a result of the mighty Disarm, supporting Towers of London. more of which later.

Ah, patriotism - the last refuge of the scoundrel. And being a bit of a scoundrel myself, I'm refuging in some patriotism by adding the banner supporting the London Olympic bid (even though it broke my page validation and goes through to a registration page - skip that). Yes. it is based in London, the home of the shandy-swilling southern softies, but that's no reason not to get behind a bid to bring the spectacle of the Olympic games back to the UK for the first time since 1948. It's not like you have to actually travel that far to get to London and let's face some of the events won't even be held there. Go on - click on the banner and check it out.

If you're looking for a truly strange taste sensation and remain resolutely unimpressed by Walkers' 'Comic Relief' Crisps and their crazy flavours (which are actually quite nice), may I recommend Blackcurrant Matchmakers? A fantastically confusing blend of the traditional Matchmaker elements - dark chocolate and crunchy bits - and Ribena. The moment when the bitterness of the dark chocolate combines with the tang of the blackcurrant is one of those love it/hate it moments. It just doesn't seem right, and right now I don't know if I love 'em or loathe 'em. The Limited Edition KitKat Caramac on the other hand is all good. Not quite as good as the delicious taste of a Caramac bar by itself but in these woefully Caramac-free days I seem to be living in, it's a more than adequate substitute. Check them out. Or don't bother.

There's a special no-prize for me old mucker Richard, who's spotted the fact that I've been titling my entries with the lyrics to 13th Floor Elevators classic 'Slip Inside This House'. This practice will not cease - I'm going to see how long it takes to get through the entire song - which given that it's a lyric-heavy 8 minutes long might be a long time.

And another thing - I know that me and trains don't get on but why can't I get an open return ticket from Nantwich to Warrington? Is it inconceivable that anyone from Nantwich would want to spend the night in Warrington, or is it against the law? I only ask, because I've had cause to try to buy such a ticket and found that I can't. Not that I actually stayed in Warrington overnight but due to my trip to Sheffield to watch Disarm, I merely thought it'd be cheaper to get that rather than two singles for the journey to and from Warrington on separate days. Instead, I've had to buy a return to Earlstown which is more expensive than a day return to Warrington but cheaper than two singles. It just don't make no sense, Claude.

And finally, on to the business in hand - the return of Disarm. They've had a bit of time off following the departure of original frontman Brendan and have returned as a four piece with Brad stepping up to do the vocal duties. They've been writing some new material too, with a change in direction away from hardcore to more straight-forward rock'n'roll. Last night was their first gig in front of a hometown audience at The Room (formely the Fez Club). Pussies Towers of London pulled out, claiming illness, so Disarm ended up headlining the night, ably supported by the early 80s guitar sounds of Redshed (think Wire, Gang of Four, Franz Ferdinand) and the 60s garage band sounds of Void (think er, 60s garage bands...). Both of them were excellent. But not anywhere near as fantastic as Disarm. In my humble opinion, the Towers would have had a hard time following Disarm. They kicked ass, as the saying goes. And not only that, but they must have some sort of magical powers because my pipe only went out once during their set, which is a remarkable achievement. I look forward to hearing their new material on disc. Keep on rocking in the free world, guys. And keep your eyes open for pictures on the Internet of me supporting you with furious pipe-smoking action.

And now I'd better go and rest my poorly head for a while so that I'm in some sort of fit state to get back to work this afternoon. We're interviewing for another technical author and I don't think it'll look too good if I'm slumped at my desk with a hangover when the next candidate comes around. So, apologies for the spelling mistakes and TTFN!

Go on, stick your oar in:

Monday 21st February

Alpha information sending

Well, it's 10:15 on a Monday night, as The Cure almost said, and I'm back from my REM gig already (as they obviously didn't). Having endured the tedious sub-Flaming Lips/Eels/James (Stutter-era) guitar and keyboard stylings of support band Now Its Overhead (who ought to be renamed Now It's Sleepyhead), we were all caught a bit unawares when Michael Stipe strolled on stage with Peter Buck about halfway through the set changeover. He then announced that the gig was cancelled due to Mike Mills suffering from a combination of flu and an ear infection. "Not only can he not play but at this moment in time he can't stand up." was pretty much the gist of it. In order to compensate us in some way for our time and trouble Michael, Peter, Ken Stringfellow and Scott McCaughey (I assume) performed the following four songs in an acoustic-cum-Unplugged style:

• The One I Love
• Leaving New York
• I've Been High
• Losing My Religion

All the songs went down a storm and when they finished they got a standing ovation - which must be the first time they've been applauded for cancelling a gig! Michael was obviously pretty upset about the whole thing and genuinely disappointed to be the bearer of the bad news. Apparently the decision to cancel had only been taken under doctor's orders whilst the support act were on. Having had one or two ear infections myself, I know how debilitating they can be, so I wish Mike Mills all the best and look forward to seeing them all again on Wednesday 15th June when they return to Sheffield to fulfill this engagement.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Sunday 20th February

From the egg into the flower

Not quite the end of the month and you're getting an update already. In fact, you'll be getting two updates this weekend and a further update next weekend, you lucky people. Calm yourselves - once again I don't have anything interesting to say, just the usual mix of music, random thoughts and diary-style diary entries. Anyway, I'm back up in sunny Conisbrough this weekend as I'm off to see REM at the Sheffield Hallam Arena on Monday night. I've been somewhat concerned that they were just going to play stuff of the rather dismal 'Around The Sun' album, but thanks to the rather wonderful REM Timeline I can see that they're playing a lot of older stuff too. Plus a couple of songs I don't know. Anyway, there'll be a review up on the site on Tuesday morning, before I head back to work.

On another music-related tip, I went up to the Cornerhouse cinema in Manchester with me old mate Charlie t'other week to see The Ramones - End of the Century. This fantastic film, by turns hilarious and moving, tells the story of The Ramones (obviously) from their pre-band days in Forest Hills to the deaths of Joey and Dee Dee. Even for a fan, like me, there's some interesting stuff in there, including hilarious footage of Dee Dee's short-lived rap career. If it plays anywhere near you, get out and see it, otherwise get it on DVD when it's released on April 25th. You won't regret it.

In non-music related news, last Thursday night I met up with the wonderful Fiona, an old colleague of mine from my JBA/Geac days. She's now living in Alsager, which isn't that far away from Nantwich, so we managed to find a window in our busy schedules for a drink and a chat. We met in The Red Cow, which used to be my local about twenty years ago. (I wasn't sure whether to be pleased or annoyed that the clientele still seems to be about the same age it was last time I was in there...) I didn't see any of the old crowd, but they've taken the pool table out of the back bar so I suspect a lot of the "regulars" have moved on. Anyway, I haven't see Fi for a few years so we had a good old catch-up. And discovered that we'd both used the word stuff in a technical authoring context recently - her in an interview and me in a draft manual that had gone to a customer containing the phrase that pays - "...and can produce some reports on stuff." D'Oh! And double D'Oh! Ah, at least we can laugh about it now. Can't we? Anyway, I had a lovely time and I look forward to seeing her again soon.

Whilst standing around at Crewe station one evening waiting for the train to Nantwich, I decided to have a look at the books on offer in the station shop. Having thoroughly enjoyed the BBC adaptation of Jonathan Coe's The Rotters Club, I was on the lookout for that, but it wasn't there. Eventually I settled on Andrew Collins 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' and Mark Haddon's 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time'. I've never been a big fan of Collins, to be honest, as he always sounds so smug on the radio. Perhaps it's just his accent because 'Heaven Knows...' is an amusing memoir that must echo virtually every student's experiences. the soundtrack and the amount of sexual activity might change but little else. It's not an epic of Booker Prize proportions but if you can find it for around the five quid mark, it's an entertaining diversion. 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' on the other hand is absolutely brilliant. I'd avoided it, despite the recommendations of friends, due to some inverted snobbery on my part and now wish I'd read it ages ago. By turns sad, amusing, horrifying and ultimately moving I got totally hooked - I couldn't put it down and ended up reading the last few pages at work. And then wishing I hadn't because it made me want to cry. I suspect that not everyone who reads it will find it so involving, but I did, so there.

Tip of the Day: If you are sat in a meeting with me, and are discussing the disadvantages of open-plan offices, never begin a sentence with the words "Pulling yourself off..." It will take some time before order is restored.

Unsurprisingly, my immortal beloved, Crewe Alex haven't been playing any better recently. Perhaps that's a tad harsh as they're now playing teams who are around or above them in the table, but the sad fact remains that they now haven't won a game since beating Leeds 2-0 on New Years Day. Having had a couple of blank Saturdays due to their opponents having FA Cup commitments, they haven't actually played as many games as you might think. Next up, on Tuesday night, are Reading, who haven't won since Boxing Day. I think one of those winless sequences is about to come to an end but sadly I don't expect it to be Crewe's. They could yet prove me wrong, of course, and I hope they do. It's not all bad news though - Luke Varney and Andy White are shaping up to be a decent strike pairing, new boy Colin Murdoch has added a bit more organisation and commitment to the centre of defence and Lee Bell looks like a useful midfielder. It's a shame that Dario's insistence on playing Kenny Lunt every week no matter how badly he performs, means that it's very unlikely we'll see my preferred line-up of Sorvel, Cochrane, Bell and Vaughan (or Steve Jones) in the middle of the park. There are plenty of games to go though so it might happen. And pigs might fly.

I haven't bought too many albums since Christmas, mainly because I've not had chance to visit any decent music shops. I've still managed to acquire a few though through the sale at Sainsburys, of all places. A complete list eludes me at the moment including The Best of Sparks, Laurie Anderson's 'Home of the Brave' Soundtrack, Beach Boys 'Pet Sounds', Blondie's 'Parallel Lines' and Duran Duran's 'Rio' (don't laugh). The standout album though has been Muse's 'Origin of Symmetry'. I'd written them off as Radiohead-wannabes but their continued critical success made me give them another chance. I'm glad I did. Very enjoyable, in a teenage-angsty way. Think I'll have to buy a few more of their records.

Finally, for today, if you like messing around with sounds, and have got some sort of remixing software installed, why not join me in entering this fantastic Fast Lady remix competition? I've had a preliminary go just using a cut down version of eJay and the results aren't that bad. If I come up with something I'm entirely satisfied with, I'll post it here. That's it for now - lookout for a brief review of REM, coming your way on Tuesday morning.

Go on, stick your oar in:

Sunday 30th January 2005

Bedouin tribes ascending

First update of the New Year and the sharper-eyed amongst you may have noticed that I've managed to correct that small error on the date of the last post. What-a mistake-a to make-a! Serves me right of course - I'd been patting myself on the back for managing to make an error-free posting for the first time in ages. The sharp-eyed might also spot that I've removed that naff looking border and changed the colour of the left-hand column slightly. And, despite now owning a laptop and a WiFi card, I still haven't managed to get round to updating with anymore regularity.

It has to be said that owning a laptop isn't all fun, fun, fun. Especially not when you own a second-hand one with a dodgy keyboard. Not that I really own it as it's on loan from my brother, but you know what I mean. First there was a problem with the a, s, d, and f keys occasionally not working, then some other keys packed up intermittently and finally, to much frustration, the Shift keys stopped working. I feared I'd be stuck with a high-powered Solitaire machine, but lo, one swift removal and cleaning of said keyboard and everything seemed to be working perfectly. Then the n, m, h, j, y and u keys seemed to pack up altogether. Well, rather than biting the bullet and actually shelling out for a replacement I disassembled the keyboard again and now everything seems to be hunky dory. All I have to do now is either sort out a regular night for visiting the local WiFi hotspot or find myself somewhere to live so I can publish more toss on this site.

As if to make me despair about the state of television, the first weeks of the New Year saw the start of not one but two "Celebrity Reality" shows. First up we had the lardy celebs of Celebrity Fit Club and later in the week we got the totally contrived celebrity mix of Celebrity Big Brother. Now, I don't know about you, but both programmes set me thinking about quite how you judge who is a celebrity and who isn't. And the way I came up with is this: Imagine the company you work for is launching a new product or service and Marketing have booked a celebrity guest. Now imagine said guest turns out to be one of the participants in either show, are you thinking "Nice One!" or "What on Earth were they smoking?!?" Simple enough, eh? And you have to admit that pretty much all the participants for the two shows fall into the latter category. That said, there is something enormouslyly satisfying about watching a bunch of blubbery, so-called celebs sweating their guts out, whilst you're sat on the sofa with a pizza, garlic bread and a nice, cold, beer or two. Of course, Celebrity Big Brother managed to redeem itself, despite its best intentions, by firstly allowing Brigitte Nielsen to behave with a great deal of grace and dignity when confronted with her ex-mother-in-law and secondly by having Bez declared the winner. Sadly, Celebrity Fit Club has shown no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

In complete contrast to ITV and Channel 4, BBC2 showed a spirit of adventure in screening 'Jerry Springer - The Opera'. Even before it was shown, they'd received over 15,000 letters of protest. Mainly thanks to Mediawatch and Christian Voice orchestrating an ill-considered campaign against it. They certainly swelled the viewing figures for a Saturday night on BBC2. True, it does contain a large number of swear words, but then so does Jerry's show. And the second half could be considered blasphemous, if you're particularly po-faced. But it was obviously a satire on TV and the values that spawned Springer and shows of that ilk. Even so, it's hilarious. Abso-fecking-lutely hilarious! And even more hilarious if, as we did, you watch it with the Ceefax subtitles on. Yes, they really did include all the swear words uncensored. Good work you Ceefax fellahs! My mate Jack had a link to help you send some positive feedback to the BBC if you enjoyed it. Nice idea, chief - wish I'd thought of it. It's a bit late now, of course, but you can still e-mail the BBC if you want.

Sometimes it's nice to go to work. For example, at the start of December it was nice to go in and be told that my hard work had been recognised in the form of a bonus. And just after New Year it was nice to find I'd been awarded a pay rise. Not an earth-shattering amount, true, but almost five per cent, which in this day and age is not to be sniffed at. Especially given that the company didn't actually get any new customers last year. It only works out at about an extra 50 quid or so a month, but that will at least pay for my WiFi access. Woo! Hoo! And it was nice to go to work the other week for my appraisal, which was basically "more of the same, please" apart from the falling asleep at my desk and excessive web-surfing, obviously...

After all my talk about my "lucky" shirt, I'm afraid my first two trips to see Crewe Alex this year didn't turn out to be so lucky. First up, they lost at home to a rather poor Preston team and then, on my first trip away of the season, they were well beaten by Coventry in the FA Cup. In between the two games Crewe sold their leading scorer, Dean Ashton, to Norwich, and looked a bit clueless in his absence against Coventry, to be honest. Not that Deano had looked to be in that great touch against Preston though - he missed a couple of great chances. He was obviously still missed for the games away to Watford and home to Rotherham although I'll still go with my initial impression that, given a run of games, Luke Varney may prove to be a decent replacement for the great man. And Andy White is a useful replacement to have on the bench. Still, I can't begrudge Ashton his chance of playing Premiership football, especially given the amount that Norwich have paid for his services. Three million pounds, in case you were wondering, with a potential half million more depending on appearances and England caps, AND a twenty per cent cut of any future transfer fee. Personally, I'd rather have kept our leading scorer and had a go at getting in the play-offs but then Crewe has never been a club for people who like to do things the easy way.

It's a fair bet that if you happened to study the English Civil War then the Battle of Nantwich didn't figure too prominently in your studies. Which is a shame as it was actually quite an interesting skirmish in the war and one the Parliamentarians won. Anyway, it was significant enough locally to be commemorated on January 25th every year, which is known as Holly Holy Day. Admittedly this tradition was only revived in 1973 after many years of neglect, but since then we've had to suffer an annual invasion by the Sealed Knot Society. On the nearest weekend to the 25th they pack out the pubs on the Friday night, demanding "pints of your very best foaming ale, landlord" and blocking your route to the bar in your own local; it's like the local rugby club and all their mates have come in but without bothering to shower beforehand. They then parade through the town on Saturday morning before heading off to Mill Island to "re-enact" the battle. I would have taken some pictures but, frankly, I've got better things to do and besides you can find some decent ones on this chap's website. It's actually quite an enjoyable spectacle, if you like that sort of thing, although I'm somewhat rankled by the fact that they now erect sightscreens around the battleground so you can't see it for free like we used to back when I was a young 'un.

It is, of course, that time of the month when I blather on about some bands that you've never heard of and possibly never will. As is my wont, I was up at the first lastfriday of the year. This month's event was kicked off by A Future Regret, who last played the civic in July. They've obviously got a few more gigs under their belt since then. Built on the foundations of the 90s US Punk sound, their brand of infectious, poppy, emo stylings went down a storm. Megaphone antics and audience participation are always appreciated. I would, however, just like to point out that their opening number was a virtual note-for-note copy of The Abs 1986 classic 'Grease Your Ralph', not that there's anything wrong with that, just thought you ought to know. Next up was the long-awaited return of Empathy. A mere 56 weeks after their last appearance at the Civic and somewhat longer since I saw them play at the Scarecrow Festival. Mixing up some old and new stuff, they were on top form, with their mix of indie, guitar pop and rock riffs. Very enjoyable, even if large parts of the audience seemd confused by the fact it wasn't nu-metal... Following that was Voice of Brain who were decent enough, although probably suffered a bit in having to follow Empathy. Last up were Milburn who surprised everybody by playing a very short set. They aren't exactly my cup of tea, but they are, again, decent enough at what they do. The whole shebang was done and dusted by 10.30, giving me plenty of time to get another pint or two in. Which probably wasn't the best of moves - I felt rough on Saturday morning, I can tell you.

Saturday night I ambled along to the Tsunami Benefit Acoustic Gig at the Ferryboat Inn in Mexborough. This featured a fine selection of local musicians doing their thang in an Unplugged stylee, culminating with an acoustic set by the near-mythical Bullrush, playing their first gig in ages. It was a lot of fun and there were some great performances (take a bow Steve and Kady B, Sam and Bullrush). Heck, even NASH put in a decent performance... And, despite doing his best to sabotage himself, even Crazy Eddie (of 6ft Midget) did himself proud. I think everybody enjoyed it and a fair amount of money was raised so that can't be bad.

Right, that's all the news that's fit to print. Besides which, I'm hungry and need to feed. You'll be delighted to know that there are a couple of Crewe games coming up that I'll be at and I'm going to see REM in Sheffield in about three weeks time, so you can look forward to reading about those things in the not-so-near future. And that's about it. Until next time - alway use the Green Cross Code, because I won't be there when you cross the road.

Go on, stick your oar in: