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Tuesday 23rd December19:40Isn't that Ruby Tuesday you're singing, Sir Cliff?Christmas is coming. The shops are getting packed. In keeping with tradition all the Christmas songs are crap. Well, apart from that remake of Mad World obviously. Hhm, perhaps the world is finally ready for my acoustic-guitar-only remake of See You by Depeche Mode... Anyway, I was pondering on the greatness or otherwise of previous Christmas singles, and decided that these were the only ones worth putting on your stereo this yuletide:
Well, I solved one mystery, dear readers. I now know what sort of crazy-ass company takes on staff just before Christmas. The sort of crazy-ass company that:
I'm off to see my little brother in that there London, tomorrow. I'll be in the capital for a few days, chilling out with the Edster, enjoying a relatively smoke-free environment and consuming vast quantities of ale and food. So, have yourselves a merry little christmas and I'll be back with an update at some point after the weekend.
Go on, stick your oar in: Thursday 18th December21:20How did that happen?What sort of crazy-ass company takes on staff just before Christmas? Well, there goes my leisurely pre-Chrimbo build up and restful festive period because, almost without trying, I got myself a job. Nothing special, just working in a call centre, and for the grand sum of £6ph, but there's no cold calling. It's not the world's best job, but it does at least pay more than the dole. Just. And if it doesn't encourage me to get back in to a proper job, nothing will.Anyway one sad casualty of this newly-unwanted employed status was yesterday's update. This was going to be filled with witty and amusing facts about the centenary of the Wright Brothers first powered flight, and a wry comment on how the Americans are also celebrating 50 years of Playboy magazine, whereas we Brits are raising a glass to 50 years of Radio 4's Brain of Britain quiz. Sadly, you'll all just have to make your own jokes....
Go on, stick your oar in: Sunday 14th December21:00False Memory SyndromeWell, I failed to get myself a ticket to see The Fall play in Sheffield on Thursday night - a lack of funds and the logistics of getting back home after midnight defeated me. Instead I decided to nip out on Wednesday night to see Disarm play at Disraeli's in Rotherham. They were ably supported by Age of Consent (a covers-only band featuring members Disarm) and No Names Mentioned, who are always an entertaining proposition live. Despite the rather flat atmosphere and the bemusement of the regulars, who obviously weren't expecting an evening of heavy metal, all three bands pulled out decent performances and were well worth the trek out to Rotherham. Cheers guys. A lot of people have said to me "Jim, we know that you got a degree in Fisheries Studies, worked for the Ministry of Agriculture and had a brief career as a technical author, but you're quite old now, so what did you do before you studied for that degree?" Well, I've always been reluctant to talk about it but I think sufficient time has passed now for me to reveal the truth. It's a long story, so I've set aside a special page for it. Phew, we can all sleep safe in our beds tonight as that threat to the security of the free world, George Bush, has been discovered hiding out in the White House. Er, wait, no, I mean, Saddam Hussein has been discovered hiding out in a cellar in a town near Tikrit. Apparently the U.S. forces have already subjected him to a DNA test to confirm his identity, which is just as well as Saddam is known to have about about a dozen lookey-likeys. (Typical though, isn't it - you and I might have to wait up to a fortnight for the results of a DNA test, but the former President of Iraq gets his results in a couple of hours...) Nice to see that the US Army let him have a shave and a haircut - I wonder if they're now going to ship him off in chains to Guantanamo Bay? And call me cynical, but is it just coincidence that he was captured before Christmas, but not "too near" Christmas, if you get my drift? And do you really think we'll find out where all those weapons of mass destruction are hidden now? Sadly, I don't think the arrest of Saddam is likely to change the situation in Iraq all that much. It certainly won't stop the suicide bombers, for example. Go on, stick your oar in: Wednesday 10th December13:30It's Here!Well, apart from me brother, Mark, you've obviously all got too much else to do than to bother checking this site out on a regular basis. Ah, I remember that feeling, back in them far-off good old days when I used to have a job to go to... Anyway, despite the (lack of) feedback I've decided to implement the re-design anyway. Doubtless, I'll now get a flood o' complaints about the text disappearing or the hyperlinks displaying in an unexpected manner. Well, it should look alright in any browser, except Netscape 4.6, which I know does funny things to my hyperlinks. And now, if you're using any screen resolution other than 1024 x 768, you should be able to resize the text so it's readable. There are some things in the stylesheet that are still defined in point sizes, but I never use them so it shouldn't make any difference. Of course, if you're using a browser that doesn't support stylesheets, the only difference you'll see is that I've moved all the links to the same side of the page. I like it, I think you will too.Was it just a bad dream that I was having last night or are ITV really showing Robbie and Ronan, Together At Last - a one hour special featuring the great vocal talents of Robbie Williams and Ronan Keating performing a series of duets - this Christmas? They can't be, can they? Well, if they're not, then I'm off to Granadaland to pitch this idea. It's a sure-fire winner, even if it was a nightmare. Remember where you read it first.
Go on, stick your oar in: Friday 5th December16:00Hold the (new) front pageI've been messing around with the CSS for this site in order to improve the look and feel of your browsing experience. Yes, I do think of you, dear readers, but not always in such a good way. Anyway, this time however, I've decided that I don't like the underlines on my hyperlinks and I ought to make some concessions to those of you who might have higher screen resolutions or some form of visual impairment that means that you'd like to enlarge the text on screen. So, I've fiddled around a bit and changed a few things. However, I've only managed to test it with IE6, Opera 5 and Netscape 4.6. It works OK with IE and Opera but not with Netscape - something to do with that version not supporting CSS properly, and my own CSS not being perfect. (And yep, I realise this page doesn't display properly in Netscape 4.6 either, although I am trying to fix that, and probably making it worse....) So, if there's anyone out there using a later version Netscape or Opera, or using Mozilla or any other browser, or indeed anyone who just wants to take a look, you can no longer find my new front page here as I've moved it. It's not entirely finished - I'll be moving a few things around, changing the order of my external links and tidying the HTML up a bit more, but that's the general look and feel that I'll now be going for. All feedback gratefully received, and if you could leave any comments here, rather than on the test page, that'd be much appreciated. Thanks. Go on, stick your oar in: Tuesday 2nd December16:00Oi! Eavis! No!Smashing bloke that Michael Eavis. Oh yeah. Smashing. Every year selflessly giving up his time and his land so that the young people of today can experience the delights of a rock festival. Not forgetting his sterling work in giving New Age travellers, crusties, hippies and the great unwashed somewhere to congregate so that the rest of us don't have to put up with them. And don't forget his unintended leg-up to the forces of free enterprise, who used to charge you ten quid to get under the fence and would then sell you some dogshit disguised as dope and rob your tent while you were out trying to score some proper drugs. Oh yes, champion of free enterprise and bringer of mud, music and notoriously poor toilet facilities to the masses, Michael Eavis is a top man in my book and always welcome in my local. BUT if I was to read in my newspaper, and on several websites, that he was planning to book Sir Paul MacCartney, Prince and Oasis to headline next year's festival, I'd have to say "Oi! Eavis! No! This motley collection of faded rock stars trading on former glories - none of whom has released a decent album in the last five years - smacks of a cynical marketing ploy, designed solely to draw in the white, middle-aged, middle class folk, all desperately trying to re-live the rebellious youth they never had! This year's parade of "Greatest Hits" merchants was bad enough, thank you very much, but you're turning Glastonbury into the Ben Elton of festivals! One minute you're sticking it to The Man and giving the mainstream the finger and the next you're jumping into bed with bleedin' Paul "Macca" MacCartney. Next thing you know, Prince Harry will be popping up stageside wearing a "The Darkness" T-shirt. Stop! It! Now!"That "user-friendly" web prescence of the Microsoft empire, msn.co.uk, has a handy guide to some of the Worst Chat-up Lines but unfortunately they've missed a couple of my favourites:
Finally, I'm grateful to Richard who has sent me this link for all your Ya Ho Wha needs. Well, it would be if they stopped taking drugs long enough to actually update the site with anything other than that slightly spooky front page. Damn hippies! Still, check out 'The Three Worst Things' at the bottom of the page. Wise words, mate. Go on, stick your oar in:
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