The Music Update

Wednesday 25th January 2012

I have to confess that I haven't been out to see that many live gigs over the last few months. The intensity of the Crewe Live experience back in May 2011 probably had a bit to do with that, but I also realised that I'm not really that interested, any more, in standing around in a pub or club waiting for something to grab my attention. I still want to hear something I haven't heard before, but I've got fed up with the waiting around and the slight disappointment if bands don't deliver. So thank the baby Jesus that the Internet means I can usually check out bands before venturing out. Time and money saved, and also much less chance of me getting so drunk watching the two or three Kasabian-cum-Raconteurs wannabes that are on before the band I want to see that I miss the band completely... I have to be honest though, I haven't heard that much which has inspired me to leave the comfort of my sofa. I was, briefly, tempted to try to get tickets to see Morrissey (a personal favourite, you understand) on his last tour, but decided against it. The early dates that were announced were all miles away, and by the time closer dates were announced, I'd seen a live performance on the TV and heard some of his new material, which put me off - I'm not that interested in paying 35 quid to hear Moz doing a greatest hits tour, or his lumpen band destroying all the subtlety and nuances of 'This Charming Man'. Anyway, here in no particular order of preference are some of the musical highlights of the last six months or so, both live and recorded.

• The Fall - My mate Charlie scored some cheap-ish tickets to see the band on the first night of a three-night residency at Liverpool Guild of Students back at the start of July. The residency was ostensibly to try out new material for their next album (more of which in a moment). I saw some sniffy pronunciations about the likelihood of new material being trotted out on the Fall forum, but frankly, I wasn't that bothered - if they played new stuff, bonus, but you can't knock paying 20 quids to see The Fall. They were supported by The Temps, who made me think of The Rutles' manager Leggy Mountbatten - he would have loved the singer's tight trousers, although he might have been put off by the apparent wet spot on his crotch... He certainly wouldn't have enjoyed their music. John Cooper Clarke was sadly absent, so in place of his comedy spot Charlie and I had plenty of time to chew the fat. The Fall came on a bit late and immediately launched in to new number Nate. I was right at the front and ended up pinned there all set. They mixed the set up and threw in new tunes Cosmos 7, Laptop Dog, Greenway and I've Seen Them Come alongside old faves like Muzorewi's Daughter, Strychnine and Psychic Dancehall and a few tunes off the last album, Your Future, Our Clutter. Top gig, with MES in top form, and looking like he was enjoying it, and the band stoically enduring his regular amp-fiddling and mic manipulation. Top night and some top tunes from the Smith-meister and band. it was a bit of a shame that I then had to wait 4 months for the promised new album to surface. 'Ersatz GB' is a stomping beast of a record and well worth checking it out, although don't go expecting silky smooth vocals - MES turns in some of his roughest yet, which is a) no surprise and b) no bad thing. Musically, it's the same sort of grinding, repetitive, riff-based rock as the last couple of albums, but that's no shock given that it's largely performed by the same personnel.
• Swim Into Scarlet - I've been sort of stalking this lot this year and have seen them four times since their stint at Crewe Live and each time they've been excellent. First up, in August, was a double header with label mates Proud Proud People (more about them ina minute) at the Outside Edge Wine Bar in Whitchurch. Whitchurch is a bit of a one-horse town and the gig hadn't really been advertised that well so the audience, apart from the bands, consisted of me, two friends I managed to whistle up from Crewe and the pub drunk. The venue (at the back of the pub) was also quite compact, so much so that I was almost as much a member of the band as a member of the audience. A good time was had by all though and I thought both bands were very good. If either achieves success, I suspect this will be their "two men and a dog" gig. following that, in September I combined business with pleasure on a trip to London and saw Swim Into Scarlet playing at the Monarch in Camden. Again they were very good - certainly a cut above the other bands on the bill (yes, Screama Ballerina and Voodoo Rays I'm looking at you...). I was pleased that the music journalist that I'd dragged along to the gig with me concurred that they'd got what it takes. In October I caught the band a lot closer to home - headlining a show at The Box in Crewe. At this remove I'm struggling to remember the supports, but a quick Google suggests Kill The Doctor, Robin Pierce band and Hex. Think I missed Hex, didn't enjoy Robin and Kill The Doctor were good but not really my cup of tea, from what I recall. I enjoyed Swim Into Scarlet though, it goes without saying. Finally, in November, I travelled up to Manchester to see the band as part of a Butter Bridge Records Happening. Now admittedly the prospect of a "Happening" set on a spaceship in the future had already slightly put me off, but when I got to Manchester I had a bit of trouble finding the venue. If you should ever happen to have to go there, I ought to warn you that the KRAAK gallery is located down a passageway off an alley off a side street. Definitely not the sort of place you could accidentally stumble into, unless you were in search of a dark corner for a discreet piss or a quick knee-trembler with some local slapper... Anyhoo, the band told me they'd be on about 7, I turned up about 6 to sample the atmosphere and the band were on stage by about twenty past. They were just finishing their set when labelmates Proud Proud People arrived to offer some moral support. D'oh! The set was unfortunately hampered by some technical issues and (for me anyway) by one or two proud parents obscuring the view. The technical issues were symptomatic of the somewhat shambolic nature of proceedings and, having endured some sub-Mighty Boosh-style comedy sketches, I opted out of the spacecraft, taking the first available rescue shuttle back to the relative normality of 21st Century Nantwich... In the miodst of all that, you'll be delighted to note, the band have also put out an EP - 'Trophy' that you can listen to and download from their bandcamp page. Get on it, these guys will be big soon. Especially if I've got anything to do with it.
• Proud Proud People - Aforementioned label-slash-stablemates to the aforementioned Swim Into Scarlet. I saw them at the aforementioned "two men and a dog" gig in Whitchurch. I also took time to catch them headlining a show at the Box, the night before the Butter Bridge happening in Manchester. I'm sure they'd hate to be pigeon-holed as folk-rock, because they're certainly more than that, but that's the closest description I can think of at the moment. Anyhow, you can check out their Christmas video on youtube or hop along to their soundcloud page to listen to (and perhaps even download) some of their recent works. They have an EP in the pipeline so keep an eye out for that too.
• The Crookes - New to me, and I only saw them because I went to watch me old muckers The Lockdown and Proud Proud People who were the support acts. Hailing from Sheffield in terms of geography and 1980s indie-land in terms of musical sound, these guys were excellent. Now, admittedly, the likes of the Monochrome Set and the Brilliant Corners and that have all trodden this path beofre, but that doesn't make The Crookes any less enjoyable and it was somewhat thrilling to hear a band that take their cues from a different time and place. Have acquired their album and can thoroughly recommend it. Check out their website video page for more tuneage.
• WU LYF - Go Tell Fire To The Mountain - First in this list of my album-only involvements. Can't remember where I saw them, first, might have been on the telly, might have been a Facebook link (although I doubt it as I don't click links in FB anymore), but was intrigued by their sound and, having checked them out, invested in the album. It's worth it. It is (as with most stuf f I like) a little different - plenty of keyboards, idiosyncratic vocal stylings and Eastern influences (of sorts). Musically they're a bit like Spiritualized, but vocally nowhere near. Good stuff tho, as can be seen-slash-heard on this video of theirs.
• Pulp - His'n'Hers/Different Class/We Love Life - Following the announcement that they were getting back together, I thought I ought to expand the Pulp section in my CD collection. Having only actually bought 'This Is Hardcore' when the band were a going concern, it was about time. So I bought the aforementioned albums in one Pulp splurge, as it were. They all have their moments, although a harsh critic (me) might point out that there's a bell curve of moments centred around 'Different Class' with the albums either side having a bit of a drop-off.
• Tom Waits - Bad As Me - Seven years after his last studio album, Tom finally gets round to another one. Not that he's been idle, having put out the Orphans triple CD collection, done a tour and put out a live album, and turned up in a few films in the intervening years. So I feel a bit of a curmudgeon (and totally out of step with just about everyone else) when I say that actually I was a bit disappointed. It is, of course a trillion times better than anything I've ever recorded but... well, let me explain. Having been encouraged to re-visit his Tom's catalogue by Barney Hoskyns excellent biography 'Low Side Of the Road', I'd been listening to a lot of Tom before this came out. And frankly, compared to Mule variations, or Alice or Blood Money, it's not consistently hitting my spot, so to speak. There's some damn fine tunes on there (Get Lost, Pay Me, Hell Broke Luce for example) but some of the lyrics are a bit, well, predictable and two of the three tunes on the "bonus" CD are recycled from earlier songs.
• Bonnie "Prince" Billy - The Letting Go/Wolfroy Goes To Town - The first I bought myself and the second (Wolfroy) was a present. Both are indeed fine examples of Will Oldham's brand of American folk-slash-country. Well worth checking out. If you've no idea what I'm on about, then get thee hence to the rest of the Internet and find out for yourself.
• David Bowie - Diamond Dogs - Upping the 'metrosexual' quotient of my music collection, I've added a fifth Bowie album. I know, shocking. Here, from 1974, is the third in his glam alien trilogy. (alright, I just made that up, but come on, Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane, Halloween Jack, they can be shoe-horned in to my concept. Honest.) A mix of songs featuring Halloween Jack and songs from Bowie's aborted musical project based on George Orwell's classic work, 1984. Decent, but probably not the most essential of his 1970s albums.
• William Shatner - Seeking Major Tom - The generally-barking-mad, Shatner returns with a concept double album. Inhabiting the character of Major Tom (from Bowie's Space Oddity), Shatner takes us on a journey from lift-off to the surface of the moon to mental meltdown and thence to his eventual death and descent to Hell. Yep, it's that barking. Features Shatner's usual talk-sing style all over tracks by artists as diverse as U2, Bowie, KIA, Pink Floyd, The Byrds, Thomas Dolby and Kurt Weill. Hilarious, if you get the point; terrible if you don't. I've got a soft spot for the Shatner, so love it. Of course.
• Arctic Monkeys - Suck it and See - Fourth (yes, fourth!) album from the Sheffield quartet, and largely heralded in the music press as a "return to form". I really should have known better... As per my comment on Tom Waits, it is still a trillion times better than just about anything I've ever recorded, but compared to their first two albums, it's a bit drab and doesn't have too many memorable tunes on it. It's also missing that sparky, snarky, sarky edge of the first two albums. And if they'd released this instead of their first two albums, I'm not sure it would have received the same critical acclaim their debut did. But hey, what do I know...?

And that, my fine feathered fiends, is about the extent of it. I'm off out to see Swim Into Scarlet at The Box this forthcoming Friday eventide. They're supporting Kill The Doctor, who are playing their final gig. There may be other Swim Into Scarlet gigs to report. I'll also be trying my to get some of my own music down, but I said that this time last year, so probably won't. Whatever happens, I'll be trying to get out and catch more live music than I did last year. Already got my eye on Wilko Johnson and The Beat, who are playing at the Nantwich Jazz Festival over Easter, for example. There's also the Crewe Live festival to consider, as well as the consistently excellent work that's going on at The Box. Just got to find the time and money to get it all done!

The Film Update

Sunday 15th January

Only taken me almost four weeks but here's the second of those updates I promised you. I have, of course, spent much of last year indulging my love of cheap and trashy films. Well, mostly just cheap fiilms to be honest. Think I've paid full price for a couple of things in the following list, but not many. So here, in some sort of alphabetical order, is a tedious list of more recent purchases:

• The Banana Splits & Friends - The entire first series of a staple of Saturday morning television from back in the day when we only had two the major broadcasters, BBC and ITV. These are the 36 half-hour episodes created from the original 18 Banana Splits Adventure Hour episodes for syndication. As a result they're a bit disjointed and somewhat confusing, with some of the drama serials seeming to only pop up every other show, and some of the joke set-ups having a pay-off in the next episode.
• Big Train - Series 1 & 2 - Oft-overlooked comedy series from back in 1998 and 2002. Written by the guys who did Father Ted, this sketch-based show failed to catch the audiences attention but was an important staging post for plenty of comedy actors. Simon Pegg, Rebecca Front, Mark Williams, Catherine Tate and Mark Heap all made strong appearances here. And the first series features the barmy animation of the World Staring Championships, with commentary from Barry Davies.
• Blakes 7 - Series 3 & 4 - Having watched the first two series, it was only right to get the third and fourth. Series 3 is somewhat hampered at the start by the fact that Blake and Jenna (or rather the actors that played them) have left and there's a bit of faffery explaining their absence. Once they've been dealt with/forgotten though, the series takes a turn away from Blake's crusade against the Federation to the self-interests of the crew, now under the leadership of Avon. At the end of Series Three, their trusty ship, The Liberator, gets detroyed and our heroes spend the early part of Series Four getting rescued and finding a ship of their own. After that, it's off on a series of raids to thwart the Federation and trying to avoid getting killed by Servalan. The series finale sees a reunion with Blake and an ambush by the Federation which finally kills them all off. Or does it? Well, if the Federation didn't get them, the Corporation certainly did. The BBC decided against commissioning a fifth series and that was that.
• Blakes Junction 7/Ant Muzak/World of Wrestling - A trio of comic short films from the pen of Tim Plester and directed by Ben Gregor, that made a DVD release to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Blakes 7. All three films feature recognisable characters in unusual situations. Blakes Junction 7 features the crew of the Liberator, now in a volvo and a caravan, stopping off at Newport Pagnell services, Ant Muzak sees Adam and his Ants make a late night trip to the supermarket, and World of Wrestling sees a bunch of iconic 70s British wrestlers on the night bus as they make their way home from a night out. All three films are charming, and there's some decent extras on the DVD too - including an interview with the actual, real Avon, Paul Darrow.
• Bunny & The Bull - From the team that brought you The Mighty Boosh, but not starring Noel and Julian. They make appearances but not as the main protagonists. Poor old Stephen is trapped in his flat by his agoraphobia. Through a visit from his outgoing friend, Bunny, and a series of flashbacks, we find out he came to be this way and how he gets over it. Probably not one worth going out of your way for, but well worth checking out when it gets a run on Film 4.
• Catterick - Overlooked sitcom from Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer. Overlooked because it's actually a bit grim. Bob returns home after years away determined to track down his long-lost son. Enlisting the help of his idiot brother (Vic) they set off on a series of surreal adventures - some hilarious, some gruesome and some romantic. Needless to say, the search doesn't go well, although not everything turns out badly.
• The Day Today - Chris Morris' news show parody. Guilty of confusing viewers by sticking very close to the style of the actual news shows, this is clearly a work of genius. See it and remind yourself how good it was.
• Dinocroc vs Supergator - As if one giant mutant dinsoaur crocodile wasn't enough, here comes Dinocroc and his close relation, Supergator. Both created/evolved at the Drake Industries Research Lab in Hawaii, they also both manage to escape. After some summary killings, the two "mortal enemies" are lured into a face-off back in the lab. Dinocroc wins but is then blown to pieces and that's the end. Or is it? Are there some Dinocroc babies still lurking out there...?
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off - classic 80's teen movie, directed by John Hughes, natch. Not much of a plot, to be honest - Bueller skips school, and has some misadventures whilst trying to avoid getting caught skiving - but still an absolute belter.
• Good Morning Vietnam - Very loosely based on the true story of Adrian Cronhauer, who had been a DJ for US Armed Forces Radio, Robin Williams hams it up as the anti-authoritarian DJ, sticking it to the Man and bolstering troops morale in Vietnam, despite the best efforts of his superiors.
• The Goodies - At Last, More Helpings, or something - somehow managed to miss this when it came out last year, but have caught up now. This is the third release by the BBC and like the previous two, contains 8 episodes plucked from their various series. I have to say the BBC's treatment of these shows is a bit shoddy - the episodes are from all over the shop in the 8 series that they did for the Beeb and in no particular order. I'd much rather the Beeb released all the episodes, either in one massive boxset or as separate series sets to collect.
• Here Come the Double Deckers - More Kids' TV nostalgia for me with this 1970s series featuring a gang of friends who have a headquarters in some sort of abandoned junkyard, as you do. The clean-cut youngsters feature a number of stereotypes - the clever one, the street smart one, the fat one, the token black one, the sensible girl and the whiny younger hanger-on - and have any number of capers-cum-adventures. Most of which seem to climax with them running around in fast-forward for five or ten minutes. Not as good as I remember.
• Meatball Machine - In some sort of near-future Japan, people are being infected by some strange alien parasite that causes them to mutate into something called Necro-Borgs and then battle with other Necro-Borgs, usually resulting in gallons of blood being sprayed everywhere. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy accidentally infects girl with alien parasite. Boy infects himself and goes off to find and win back girl. Buckets of blood are sprayed everywhere. Typical Japanese gore-fest rom-com, as you'd expect!
• Megashark vs Crocosaurus - Having survived his battle with the Giant Octopus, Megashark now faces a new challenger in the shape of Crocosaurus, a recently-re-awakened beast, thought to have been extinct. A hardy beast this - not only has it survived stuck down a mine for thousands of years, it is at home in both fresh and salt water environments. Face-off they do, eventually, although not before the two monsters have apparently changed size a couple of times at least, thanks to some dodgy CGI. Both apparently bite the dust, although one or other or both is bound to be revived for another sequel...
• Mirrors - ex-cop Keifer Sutherland takes a job as nightwatchman at some creepy old store that mysteriously burned down in a fire. His predecessor spent his time obsessively polishing the mirrors in the place (which were equally mysteriously untouched by the fire...) before killing himself. During his night vigils Kiefer discovers the secret of the mirrors and must resolve the issue, although, he doesn't really get serious till after his girlfriend gets killed. With the mirrors now after his estranged family, Kiefer gets on with it, scaring his ex-wife and kids witless in the process.
• Monkey Dust Series 1 - Animated comedy show from 2003, shown on that there BBC3. Not likely to get a re-run any time, especially while they're running the likes of Family Guy and American Dad in the same sort of time slots. It's all pretty dark and mostly focuses on the broken side of Britain - plenty of dysfunctional characters here. My favourite character is Ivan Dobbsky, the meat safe murderer, who "never done it", and is released every week, only to end up back inside. There are two further series but they haven't been released on DVD (yet).
• 9 - Somewhat bleak animated movie, in which mankind has been destroyed and the only creatures left are small knitted doll types that have somehow been sparked into life. And one of them manages to restart the evil machine that killed off mankind. D'Oh! The creatures then have to destroy said machine before it kills them. Visually stunning, as you'd expect from something produced by Tim Burton, it's a shame the plot is a bit weak and that some of the voice-overs are a bit pedestrian.
• Operation Good Guys Box Set - All three series of the police mockumentary featuring a hapless squad, put together to take down some villain. They are almost utterly incompetent, botching surveillance jobs, failing to notice that their civilian accountant is ripping them off and generally getting into all sorts of scrapes. At the end of the first series, the squad is disbanded, only for them to be re-united in the second series when they are sent for re-training. In the third series they're still together but largely kept at arm's length from proper police work. Capers ensue all round.
• Paul - In Steven Spielberg's telling of the tale, the alien that lands on earth is lost, bewildered and needs the help of a young boy and his mates to get back to his home planet. In Nick Frost and Simon Pegg's telling the alien is a hard-drinking, wise-cracking, know-it-all who, against his better judgement, enlists the help of a couple of English nerds to get back to his home planet. Plenty of laughs from the team that brought you Shaun of the Dead.
• People Like Us Series 1 & 2 - Another comedian beating Ricky Gervais to the mockumentary punch, this, from 1997, features the now-disgraced Chris Langham as documentary maker Roy Mallard. In the style of Nick Broomfield or Louis Theroux, Mallard spends time with each of his subjects, filming their "ordinary" lives. Except Mallard rarely strays from behind the camera and his subjects are usually in some way deluded.
• P'Tang Yang Kipperbang - Gentle coming-of-age drama that Channel 4 used to be so good at before they managed to dilute their public service broadcasting remit. Cricket obsessed young chap gets lead role in school play, which involves kissing female lead. Uh-oh! Hormones, insecurity, John Arlott and best mates all conspire to put the lad through Hell before his redemption at the end.
• Sir Henry At Rawlinson's End - Not exactly easy to describe, this film is largely based on Vivian Stanshall's LP of the same name, which features a rambling account of a day in the life of Sir Henry Rawlinson and his strange family.
• Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy - Not the current film remake with Gary Oldman, but the original TV series featuring Sir Alec of Guinness. Spread over five-and-a-quarter hours and seven episodes, the story lazily unfurls yet somehow manages to be absolutely gripping. There's little of the thud-and-blunder action that would be demanded today and none of the episodes ends on the sort of cliffhanger that is almost de rigeur for modern drama. However, once you get drawn in to the game of cat-and-mouse, you can't tear yourself away. Superb.
• Tokyo Gore Police - In some sort of near-future Japan, a mad scientist (aren't they all?) has come up with anew genetic modification, which causes people to grow grow bizarre weaponry from their bodies when injured. The newly-privatised police force have a special unit designed to track down and kill the mutants. One member of the unit just happens to be a rather attractive girl, who is pretty handy at dispatching the mutants. She's also searching for the man who killed her policeman father. Anyway, turns out the man who killed her father was the father of the mad scientist, but he acted on orders from the Chief of Police, who then had mad scientist's dad killed too. Mad scientist then slips the virus into attractive girl. She kills him anyway, then nicks off to face down the Chief of Police. There's plenty of blood and gore. It's great.
• Tron - Picked this (and the recent "sequel") up cheap in Morrisons. Good old Jeff Bridges goes sneaking around at his former employer's place, trying to find evidence that his rival swiped Jeff's work. In the course of this he gets zapped by some sort of digitizing laser and injected into his rival's computer. Once in there, he has to team up with the good prgrams to defeat the evil master control program and free himself and rescue his company. To be honest, the plot is a bit pants, but the CGI was amazing for its time, and it still stands up fairly well in these more cynical days, but probably because of its very stylised nature.
• Tron Legacy - And lo! twenty years later, Disney finally got round to cashing in by making Tron: Legacy. I expect they made it in 3D too, but I only got the 2D version.The story is pretty much the same as the original - guy gets zapped into computer and has to defeat evil control program - but the characters are swapped round a little. This time it's Jeff Bridge's son that gets zapped into the computer and Jeff Bridges is already trapped in there and has to help his son.
• The Ultimate Fast Show Collection - A little more up-to-date here, with top-quality 90s sketch show nonsense. There's a few clunkers in amongst all the fondly-remembered catchphrases, and sometimes it can be jarring to watch a skit that doesn't hit the mark, but with nothing lasting more than three minutes, there's a funny sketch along pretty quickly. Scorchio!

Quite possibly one or two things missing from that list, but hey ho, them's the breaks. Anyway, having finally got this update done, there's a 'Music' update to come and then it's obn to thinking up new stuff for this website-cum-blog.

3...2...1... You're back in the room...

Tuesday 20th December 2011

Yes, it has been a while, but it's good to be back, Lloyd. And because it's been a long time I've got plenty to fill you in on, so I'm breaking up the update into 3 parts, so that you don't get overloaded. Yes, it is rather kind of me, isn't it?

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I suppose I ought to be flattered that someone has ripped off my Internet name. Specifically, these Indian T-shirt manufacturers, who have not only set up a website but also signed up on Twitter and set up a Facebook page. Although luckily I bagged the fatfakir user name on Facebook before them. I expect I'll be engaged in some sort of domain name dispute next. Well, hard cheese, my foreign friends, I've owned the .com (and .co.uk) domain for the last 10 years (at least) and they can go whistle. If anything I ought to be suing them...

The sharper-eyed amongst you, or at least those who haven't turned off Javascripting in their browser already, might have noticed that the comments links seem to have disappeared off my website. I thought it might have been some daft coding error that I had made, but after a little bit of investigation, I discovered that it's because the website that was hosting the comments no longer exists. So it looks like I've got three choices - persuade my brother to renew his domain ownership and restore the site, find another way of hosting comments, or just abandon the comments idea altogether. Why not leave your thoughts as a comm... oh, wait. Right. Clearly, I've gone for the latter idea.

Given that summer has long gone and most of what I did, or didn't do is now rather irrelevant, we'll gloss over most of it. Suffice to say that there are a few 2011 Weaver Wander pictures and some sculptures from the Nantwich Festival of the Arts on my flickr site. I'll be filling you in on my musical adventures and the number of terrible DVDs that I've bought in another update soon, I promise. I just decided that it was probably best to get an update up before I forget how to do one... More anon.

I am Kimble, the nimble

Monday 20th June

Following the revelations that Gay Girl In Damascus was actually a middle-aged man in America, and that one of the founders of LezGet Real was also a man masquerading under a pseudonym, I'd like to come clean and announce that actually, I'm not a fat, middle-aged English bloke, but actually a 32-year old Swedish lesbian...

Anyway, a touch on the late side but here's a review of my weekends watching the Nantwich Jazz Fest and the Crewe Live '11 music festival. To make it easier, I'll get the jazz fest out of the way first. Got to say that despite the nominal use of the word jazz in the title of the festival, there was very little actual jazz on display. And what jazz there was, I managed to miss due to football matches taking place at the same time. That and the small matter of the fest starting three days before payday. Anyway, I managed to drag my heaving carcass out for the traditional Sunday piss-up, when the population of Nantwich triples and the average age drops by a good ten years. The first band on the list to see were my ex-colleague Charlie's band Steamy Windows. I'm no great fan of the blues, but these guys mix things up a bit and rarely let the tempo drop, keeping things rolling along. After that it was a case of wandering the town and finding a venue that wasn't too packed and wouldn't take twenty minutes to get served in. Well, we didn't have a lot of luck with that, but did end up at the Railway Hotel, where we could at least have a sit down. We saw The Jalapenos, who are a good time covers band. Plenty of rock'n'roll japery going on, alongside the excellent musicianship. And after that, it was time for more beers and a realisation that, despite being out for nearly six hours, I'd only seen two bands and was feeling a bit pished. Plus I was fed up of having to queue for beer or for the toilet. I could have used the outside toilet at the Railway, I suppose, but that was just a load of buckets behind a screen - I've been to free festivals with better bogs than that. So it was off to Spices takeaway for a curry and off home to collapse on the sofa. I had vague intentions of going out again to catch Nunz With Gunz at The Bowling Green, but I never made it. And that, my friends, was as much of the Nantwich Jazz Festival as I saw this year. But then I never see that much of it anyway - I'm usually watching footy over the Easter weekend and I'm no fan of the crush in town on the Sunday.

In between the Jazz fest and the Crewe Live fest, I managed to fit in some more music, checking out some bands at The Rifleman in Nantwich, who were playing a benefit gig. I turned up a bit late, expecting to miss the first two bands, one of whom I didn't particularly want to see. Well, I managed to miss one band and the band I wasn't bothered about were on when I got there. Proud Proud People is their name, and they'd transmogrified from the terrible acoustic folk duo I'd encountered at The Box once, into a snarling folky-rocky-indie beast, complete with brass section. My word, what a transformation. Next up were Swim Into Scarlet who I've been keeping an eye on since I saw them in The Box about a year or so ago. As I predicted (he says modestly) they've developed their sound and now incorporate elements of shoegaze, surf and an Eastern influence to become something a bit special. They've even incorporated a trumpet, which always gets the fatfakir seal of approval. They were very good and even name-checked me during the gig, which was flattering. Incidentally, they have an EP coming out on Butterbridge Records, which I urge you all to seek out. (I did consider being a bit cheeky and asking for a review copy for this website, but I suspect that my readership is back in the single figures now I don't update this too regularly...) Headlining the night were Bathroom Crooners, another eclectic bunch that I enjoy. They sounded on top form, so all in all it was a good night out, even if the pub were charging £3.20 for a pint of Carling!

And so, after a hiatus last year, to the return of Crewe Live music festival. The festival proper kicked off on Friday night with all manner of bands playing round Crewe, but rather than tour round the town, I chose to start the festival in The Box, as they had an attractive line-up on offer. I turned up in Crewe fairly early. Too early, I thought, so nipped into The Express for a cheeky pint. Turned out that was a bit of a mistake, because when I headed round to The Box there was a fair bit of a queue on. By the time I got in, the ever-excellent The Flares were already on stage. Acoustic guitars and trumpets a-go-go. One of several bands currently employing brass, which can only be a good thing, in my opinion. It shows a bit of imagination, I think, and a willingness to move away from the standard indie-slash-rock template of guitars, bass and drums. Next up were Crewe/Northwich's old skool rappers The C-Dub Soundtrack. Three MC's and One DJ, as they say, plus a live bassist. They were much better than they had any right to be. If I was being hyper-critical, I'd say that occasionally they could do with another live instrument on stage just to break things up a bit, but that really is nitpicking of the highest order. Next up were Stoke's rising indie stars The Rivalry. They were very good too, sort of like Oasis meets The Who. The one minor quibble I had was that I couldn't hear the keyboard player for the first half of the set. Finally, indie-ska-rap mash-up merchants Kid British. I'd heard a few of their tracks and was expecting a ska-heavy sound live, but they were more indie. Still pretty good though - certainly better than anything I've ever done! Top band and worth checking out, in my humble opinion. I knew I'd had a good night when I woke in the morning and couldn't remember how I got home...

On Saturday, I had originally intended to head out mid-afternoon to catch the League Two play-Off final before heading on to see Swim Into Scarlet. Unfortunately, they had to pull out of their early Saturday evening slot due to illness, so I decided to have a bit of a lazy afternoon at home. I then headed out to see Not Penny's Boat at The Bank instead. Young whippersnappers, not been going long but already finding their feet and writing their own material. Promising. With excellent comic timing, Russ, who had tipped me off to NPB the night before, turned up about two minutes after they finished their set... From The Bank, it was on to The Express to see The Retrospective. Unashamed pop-rock, with a quality singer and decent tunage. Another good band in another decent pub. This festival was going pretty well for me! And it only got better when I nipped down to the Duke to catch a storming performance by Proud Proud People at The Duke. After that it was off to some girl's birthday party up at The Alex (sorry, name's forgotten). I had intended to slip out of the party to catch Sway but due to my own inability to pace myself, I was slightly pissed and somewhat knackered (well, totally knackered, to be honest) so I made my excuses and left early. It was probably a good idea.

Having had an early night I was up in plenty of time on Sunday to have a big fry-up and watch the Grand Prix before heading off up to Crewe for Day Three of the music fest. The plan was to meet Kerri in Hops for a few beers to celebrate her birthday, but knowing that she'd be late, I decided to check out New Romantics at The Imp first. Despite the name there was absolutely nothing New Romantic about them, and I did feel a bit of a fool standing in there in my frilly blouse, pirate jacket and make-up... Still, I met up with Jules from creweblog, so things weren't all bad. New Romantics were OK - good at what they do, but nothing really out of the ordinary. Scrubbing off the make up and changing into something more suitable, we made our way to Hops to meet up with Kerri and friends and get involved with some serious drinking. An hour or so and a few beers later, Jules and I hit the road to catch the pop-punk sounds of Lost Response up at the Bank. They sounded pretty good and had a fair few fans in the venue, which is usually a good sign. There was was also a bloke in there planking.Yes, I said planking, Which was quite amusing, especially when he fell off the bar stool.. We then ventured on to the Corner Bar (now known as The Stage door, apparently) to catch the grunge stylings of Sumofly. Unfortunately, they hadn't started by the time I had to move on, leaving Jules to the ministrations of his friends. I moseyed on down to The Duke to catch The Flares doing an acoustic set. Sadly, there was no brass on display, although there were one or two bras on display in the audience, so not a total disaster... The Flares' set was also enlivened by a police raid halfway through it. Luckily they weren't looking for under-age drinkers, but some proper villain, who appeared to have given them the slip. They didn't find him (or her). After that flurry of excitement, it was up to Square One to see Iron Door Club. Their 60s-flavoured pop-rock stylings sounded pretty good to my ears. After that it was off to The Waldron to round the day off with an acoustic-ish set from rock cover merchants, Mutha Humbucker. They are very good at what they do, but I have to admit, I'm no great fan of the genres they work in. Once they'd finished I was struck by the realisation that I was both pissed and tired (shocker!) and so dragged myself off to catch the last train home, which turned out to be a replacement bus. No matter - they didn't check tickets or anything so it was a free ride home. Result.

Monday and the final day of the festival. I was feeling a bit knackered and, mindful of the fact that I was due back at work on Tuesday, I resolved to try to take it easy. Which is probably why I was still out drinking at 9pm... Anyway, the afternoon started with an acoustic session from Swim Into Scarlet. Short but sweet. I then hung around waiting for Kerri to drag herself out of bed. When she finally arrived, we decided to go to Square One to see New Romantics in acoustic action. They were alright, except for the fact that every song was "rehearsed about twenty minutes ago", which stopped being amusing after the third time they said it. And stopped being plausible once their set passed the twenty minute mark, and they were still trotting it out ten minutes later... After they'd fginished we ducked back into The Express to catch the melodic post-hardcore of Bet It All In Vegas. I appreciated it, although Kerri said it just sounded like a lot of shouting. Mind, she doesn't really know anything about music! Then we headed up to the Brunswick to catch Sumofly, but just like the previous day, they didn't start on time so although they sounded alright we had to move on, heading to The Bank to witness the electro-rock mash-ups of Kalahan. I've seen them a couple of times and they really are quite good. They didn't disappoint. Once they'd finished, we followed up on a tip-off one of group had had, and headed back to Square One, where we were blessed with a solo spot from John Bramwell from I Am Kloot. Absolutely fantastic. And I even got to shake his hand afterwards and tell him so. Probably one of my personal favourite moments of the entire weekend. After that we stayed in Square One, drinking, and were treated by a performance from local legend Snakey Jake. He's a fantastic slide guitar player but his set seemed to go on for hours. It probably didn't but he certainly spent longer on stage than any of the other bands I saw on Monday. Anyhoo, come 9pm, I finally managed to convince myself it was time to go home, so staggered off to catch the train and hit my bed.

So overall, I've got to say, it was a fantastic festival, although I didn't get round to see as much of it as I would have liked. Personal highlights were Proud Proud People, Swim Into Scarlet and John Bramwell, but to be honest, I'm struggling to think of any duff bands that I saw over the course of the weekend. One or two bands that I wasn't a big fan of, but I can't fault any of the musicianship on show. What great work by Volume PR and their associated guys to assemble such a line-up. Can't praise them enough. And they are, apparently, already planning for next year. I am too - I'm definitely booking the Tuesday after the festival as a holiday - I can't take the pace like I used to.

Inside my glass of hours

Tuesday 29th March 2011

Typical. You wait months for one update and then two come along almost together. This time you get the benefit of reading all about the crappy, er, cheap, DVDs that I've bought over the last few months. There's a fair few to get through. Do try to keep up. Or at least stay awake.

• Four Lions Chris Morris' take on suicide bombers in England. It's mostly hilarious, with everyone coming out of it looking a bit daft, but Morris isn't just poking fun here - there seems to be some warmth and sympathy at the core of this film. well, at least that's how it seems to me. Worth checking out.
• Sharktopus BlueWater Corp creates the perfect killing machine for the US Navy - half shark and half octopus and all deadly. Mainly because, of course, not only has the mad scientist spliced together a shark (not a natural predator of man) and an octopus (shy and retiring unless provoked) but he's messed with the creature's brain. (He's also messed with its vocal chords, giving the frankenfish a roar...) Luckily, Sharktopus can be controlled by a neuro-transmitter. Unluckily, the neuro-transmitter gets knocked off during a test run and Sharktopus goes rogue. It's up to the mad scientist's pretty daughter and a maverick ex-employee to save the day. Pretty predictable b-movie hokum, but propelled to greatness by the awesome Sharktopus. What a concept.
• Mega Piranha - Having endured Megashark vs Giant octopus, I was tempted by this one. Yet again it's a case of scientists meddling with nature to produce the ultimate killing machine... This time it's piranhas. Great big piranhas. Absolutely fecking huge piranhas, in fact, that can grow to the size of a whale, at least. Bonkers, and not in a good way.
• Saw: The Final Chapter - Entitled the Final Chapter, but I'm prepared to make a wager that it isn't. It ought to be though, because this one is f-in' rubbish. The main villain turns out to be a killing machine who has more in common with Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees and the worthy hero cop has less clue than Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun movies. Worse still, the subplot involving the traps has no possibility of redemption at all - from the minute the set-up starts you know that the victims are all going to die. And there's a rubbish (and not unexpected) twist at the end which leaves the writers with plenty of scope for another film.
• The Expendables - Big, brainless action movie that has a stellar cast list. Unfortunately they just prove that most of them actually need some other decent actors to bounce off. Lots of sound and action, but not much else.
• Saxondale - Series 1 & 2 - Another masterful Steve Coogan creation. Former roadie, Tommy Saxondale, now runs a pest control business in Stevenage. Struggling to reconcile his former rock 'n' roll lifestyle with the responsibilities of business, Tommy finds ordinary life just a bit difficult at times. His anger management group probably doesn't help much either.
• Porridge - Box Set - Timeless prison-based comedy. If you don't know this, you've not lived.
• Hot Tub Time Machine - Quality time-travel-cum-buddy movie. Three friends end up back in their old lives in 1986 and have to decide whether to live it all again or do things differently and possibly change their futures.
• Manhunt - Norwegian horror covering much the same ground as Deliverance. A group of holidaying youths find themselves attacked by the locals and then hunted through the woods as the locals make their sport. Of course, the pretty young one somehow survives and kills off the yokels before being rescued by the local cafe owner. Or is she...?
• Dragon Wars - 75 million dollars spent on the special effects. 100 dollars spent on the actors and absolutely nothing spent on the script.
• Attack of the Sabretooth - A mini-Jurassic Park, only this time, instead of an island full of dinosaurs, we've got a couple of sabretooth tigers. Of course, they get loose and go on the rampage.
• Burn After Reading - Some sort of comedy caper. I bought this cheap ages ago and haven't got round to watching it yet. I've had it so long, the film was shown on terrestrial television the other night. I didn't watch it then either.
• Son of Rambow - Brilliant. The sort of film the old Children's Film Foundation used to encourage. Kids, sans parents, having adventures and two of them forging a life-changing friendship.
• The Court Jester - A Danny Kaye classic. Hawkins, jester to outlaw The Black Fox, gets mixed up in a plot to overthrow the evil king and restore the rightful heir to the throne. Plenty of comedy capers along the way including the famous "vessel with the pestle" schtick. A decent way to pass an hour and a half or so.
• Shoot 'Em Up - Ludicrous actioner in which Clive Owen turns out to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, at least as far as the bad guys are concerned. Coming to the aid of a heavily-pregnant young lady he ends up with a baby and a mystery to solve. Oh and about a thousand guys all trying to shoot him. He kills them all in a variety of totally unrealistic scenarios.
• Rats - Terrible b-movie schlock about deadly rats in the basement of a psychiatric hospital.
• Pathfinder - Medieval actioner, in which an abandoned Viking saves the tribe that raised him by taking on and slaughtering, almost single-handedly, the marauding Viking raiders who have been wiping out the Native Americans.
• Benidorm - series 2 - Series 4 is currently running on the telly and I'm still catching up. Got this one cheap from Morrisons, like the first series. I'm hoping they'll have season three in before too long.
• Blakes 7 - Series 1 & 2 - Classic BBC sci-fi from the late 70's. Although it has all the production values you associate with the BBC of the time - unconvincing CGI/animation, the same five locations standing in for any number of alien worlds, maximum re-use of sets for internal scenes - it does at least focus on the relationships between the main characters, rather than simply being an action-driven space opera. Our hero, Roj Blake, leads the resistance against the totalitarian government of the day. Framed for crimes he didn't commit, he's shipped off to some distant penal planet. He manages to escape before making planetfall and, using the alien ship that he's acquired, sets about striking back at the evil Federation that framed him. Sexpot Supreme Commander Servalan turns up around episode 5, but alas doesn't change into her black outfits till Series 3. And Blake's nemesis, Space Commander Travis, is played by a different actor in the second series, which is slightly confusing.
• Hammer Horror - Box Set A whole heap of Hammer's classic horror films. Some twenty-one titles here including, Dracula, She, To The Devil A Daughter, Quatermass And The Pit, 1,000,000 Years BC and The Plague of the Zombies. Haven't actually watched any yet though as I'm saving them for a project. Expect reviews in a couple of months.

And that's it for this update. I've got a project in mind to watch and review my Hammer Horror films on a regular basis, like I did with the Carry Ons a couple of years back. And I ought to give you a few reviews of my local eateries (something else I keep meaning to get round to...) Whatever, hopefullyI'll get round to something before the summer solstice.

Time, flexes like a whore...

Thursday 24th March 2011

Another couple of months tick by without a regular update. Anybody would think I've abandoned the updates on here in favour of regular updates via Facebook. And they'd probably be right to some extent. Although admittedly, I haven't posted much of substance on Facebook for a while either. I have been keeping Sick, Sorry and Sober up to date with reasonable regularity but even there I'm always a couple of days behind with my match reports.

I did mention in my last update that I'd got myself some new albums. I used to love music, still do in fact, but haven't really bought a lot of new stuff in recent years. I really ought to get back into the habit, rather than wasting my money on crappy DVDs... Anyway, here's a quick run through the music what I have bought:

• Valhalla Dancehall - British Sea Power A return to form following the slightly disappointing 'Do You Like Rock Music'. The band retreated to a remote farmhouse and spent time crafting this one, and it shows. More of the epic, sweeping tunes of the first two albums and a cracking single in 'Living Is So Easy'.
• Collapse Into Now - REM It's probably a little late in the day to be expecting REM to be producing startling, ground-breaking albums. However, they are capable of revisting some of their former glories and producing something with a few singalong up-tempo tunes and mournful ballads. Fans of Automatic For The People or New Adventures In Hi Fi should definitely enjoy this.
• Red Barked Tree - Wire Sporadically active, long-running art-punk band, all now well into their 50's, make album that is pretty good. Some cracking tunes on here as well as some jarring agit-prop sentiment.
• Office Space Soundtrack Loved the film, so got round to buying the soundtrack. Mainly so I've got a theme tune if I ever leave my current Jay-Oh-Bee. Perhaps shouldn't listen to it at work too often though!
• Trans Continental Hustle - Gogol Bordello I'd heard good things about them and they seemed to be flavour of the month when I bought this. Earnest, shouty Gypsy-folk-punksters, who sound like they ought to come from some small Eastern European country, but actually hail from New York. I probably should have first encountered them at some wild alcohol-fuelled party or a festival or something, because in the cold light of a sober day, this can rapidly become grating.
• The Resistance - Muse Oh dear. I'm pleased I bought this cheap and didn't pay full price when it came out because otherwise I would have been asking who this band were and what had they done with the real Muse? Given its bass-heavy throb (reminiscent of Goldfrapp's sub-Moroder offerings) I kind of get the feeling that this is the album that Matt Bellamy finally gave in to Chris Wolstenholme's pleading and let him come up with a few tunes, only to discover that he didn't have any... For all that, it's worth having just for the fun of speeding up the first half of track 8 (available on youtube here, for reference) and realising how much it sounds like this classic parody from the Not The Nine O'Clock News team.
• Pictures: 40 Years of Hits - Status Quo Inspired by my trip to Bridlington to see The Quo live, I thought I ought to have all their songs on CD to remind me of that happy time. I've listened to it once.
• The World Is Yours - Motorhead As with Status Quo, there's no other band out there that sound like Motorhead. This is more of the same from the now LA-based Lemmy and his long-standing cohorts, Phil Campbell and Mikkey Dee. It's Motorhead, is actually the best way to describe it. And I have to confess that I haven't actually bought this, just borrowed my bro-in-law's copy and ripped it.
• Human Amusements at Hourly Rates - Guided By Voices I was lent this ages ago by my friend Charles, and ripped it to my PC. Said PC has subsequently died and the songs are all trapped on the hard drive. Rather than faff about trying to rescue them, I've taken the easy route and bought this compilation. Now I'll have the songs forever, or at least until the CD degrades to the point of unplayability... Anyhoo, herein are the hand-picked highlights from Guided By Voices' career. One song clocks in at well over 4 minutes, but of the rest, nothing much more than 3 minutes and several songs less than two minutes. All quality.
• Sings Greatest Palace Music - Bonnie "Prince" Billy Another one borrowed from Charles and now entombed (along with a whole stack of other Will Oldham stuff) on my dead PC. Here, Will revisits some of his earlier work, aided by a host of Nashville session musicians. Some folks feel that the songs are a little too countrified compared to the original versions but I like them.
• Harder, Fatter, Louder - Various Artists A mere 8 years after their last Fat Music sampler, Fat Wreck Chords finally get round to releasing another, number 7 in the series. To be fair, they've also released a shedload of other stuff in the meantime. The usual mix of the stalwarts and recent arrivals, mostly sticking to the nu-punk template. One or two notable exceptions, but nothing that should shock those familiar with the Fat roster.
• Man Opening Umbrella Ahead - Vivian Stanshall The great ginger geezer's first solo album from way back when. Way back when a bag of crisps was 5p and a gallon of petrol was 42p (about 10p a litre). Yep, 1974. African-fused rhythms meet Viv's distinctly warped lyrics to give us a slightly surreal experience. Definitely not as pop-friendly as his later works.
• Da Opera - Buccaneer Having been a fan of his collaboration with Rancid on the single 'Bruk Out', I finally got round to checking out the source material. Can't say I'm much of a fan of the original version of 'Bruk Out' but much of this opera-based ragga is actually pretty good. Especially the title track.
• The Great Escape - Blur - Discovered in the bargain bin of my local discount book retailer. I bought this and two other albums (more of which shortly) for a mere five English pounds. Starts off well with Stereotypes and country House but then sort of tails off and by the end all the songs are bleeding into one. Too much filler, not enough killer, in my opinion. and even when a decent tune does rear it's head, you realise you've heard it before - 'Mr Robinson's Quango' borrowing heavily from Syd Barrett's 'Octopus' for example...
• Parklife - Blur Bought at the same time as The Great Escape. Suffers from some of the same problems as that album. Too long and too much filler. It does at least have some decent tunes towards the end but, again, occasionally you recognise the source-cum-inspiration for some of the stuff on here.
• A Little Deeper - Ms Dynamite Mercury-Prize-winning British rap album, found in the same bargain bin as the two Blur albums. Infinitely more rewarding, especially if you're after something other than clumsy re- interpretations of old Small Faces and Pink Floyd songs. Easy to see why this won the Mercury Prize back in 2002. Yes, I can get down with da kidz, just 9 years late, that's all.
• Arkology - Lee "Scratch" Perry Actually slightly disappointing compilation of the work of the legendary Dub producer. Not because the music isn't up to much - far from it - but because it's been lazily put together. Far too many of the songs are immediately followed by alternate versions or the dub versions, which means you're listening to the same song two or three times (or even five as happens on Disc 2). It would have made more sense to me to put all the dub versions on one (or two) CDs and all the proper versions on another couple of discs. But hey, that's what mp3s were invented for - rip this and re-order it to make your own classic Lee Perry compilation.
• Trojan Dub - Various Artists This is more like it - no messing around with several versions in a row. Strictly dub here. Sounds pretty awesome at any time of the day, but probably best late at night when you've had a herbal cigarette or two.
• Best Of - Nouvelle Vague 60s-style bossa-nova-flavoured arrangements of various punk, new wave and synthpop songs. Good where it works but terrible when it doesn't. Fortunately, this being a Best Of, there are many more examples of the former here rather than the latter.
• Rio - Duran Duran Probably shouldn't have mentioned this one, but I grew up listening to this stuff back in the 80s, so excuse my nostalgia. And besides, it's a better album than the critics would have you believe. So there.

And talking of music, I have to say a big "Ta, Love" to my friend Miriam, who pointed me in the direction of TagScanner, which has allowed me to update all the filenames on the mp3s I created using my USB Cassette Converter. The software was simple to install and use and I'd updated all my files within about thirty minutes of downloading the thing. And I probably could have done it faster if I hadn't spent time playing around with the various settings and things. Cheers Mims!

On a final musical tip - I haven't been out to see many live bands over the last year, for many and various complicated reasons. But what I have been out to see, I have enjoyed. So, in my favoured stylee, here in no particular order is a list:

• Status Quo - Obviously. Think I've covered them in sufficient depth last time.
• Swim Into Scarlet - Went to see this lot up at The Box, after a long day's drinking in Manchester and Stockport. It probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had. Not because they weren't very good (they were) but because I was just about done in for the day when I got up there. I saw this lot and a bit of the main support band (who I didn't enjoy) but couldn't last to see the headliners, so packed up and called it a night. I'm off to see the Swimmers again tomorrow and I won't be so drunk, so perhaps I'll enjoy it more.
• The Lockdown - A rare outing from The Lockdown unfortunately coincided with my works Christmas party. Luckily the Christmas party was a bit shit, so I didn't feel guilty about ducking out early to see these chaps. The Lockdown were excellent as always.
• The Flares - These lot were a bonus item from The Lockdown gig. They were the support and were still on when I arrived. Two guys with acoustic guitars and friends with trumpets and trombones. Very different from the usual indie fare. Impressve stuff that makes good use of the brass section. And if I hadn't fallen for them already, they finish off with a marvellous cover of Jona Lewie's 'Stop the Cavalry'. Excellent.
• Disarm - Ah, me old pals. Not seen them around for a bit, as they've not been gigging too much, but luckily a rare outing for them coincided with a trip across to South Yorkshire for me. They were spot on as usual but wer ehampered by the vocals not being quite loud enough, in my humble opinion. Turn yourself up, Brad!
• Rage Against The Bean Topping the bill at the Disarm gig were South Yorkshire's finest Rage Against The Machine tribute band. I'm not normally a big fan of tribute bands, but I have to say this one is very good. There's a bit of visual incongruity - the shaven-headed lead singer will never be mistaken for Zack De La Rocha, and there's five of them in the tribute band as opposed to four in the original but these are minor quibbles. Ignore the between-song banter, delivered in a broad Yorkshire accent, close your eyes and listen to the music and they're pretty much spot on. Worth checking out if you're a fan of the original.
• Kalahan - An act that I'm pretty sure I saw at the Crewe Live festival a couple of years ago. I've certainly got their CD from that time. Electronica, dance beats, samples and some scuzzy guitar. At times reminiscent of Pop Will Eat Itself (look them up), but with less of a rock'n'roll vibe. Suitably non-standard enough to confuse the rugby players in the pub.

And that's about it, apologies to any band that I've missed out on, but then you obviously weren't that memorable! On a final musical note, it's been good to see that the Crewe Live festival is returning over the late May Bank Holiday, and they've booked some quality acts this year. Check out that website for details. Before that there is, over Easter, the Nantwich Jazz & Blues festival, which features ever less jazz as the years pass. I'll be there because my old colleague's band are playing on the Sunday afternoon. I may even get round to posting an update all about it! Anyway, that's enough for this one. There's a DVD-based update hopefully just around the corner, but don't go holding your breath.

Been Around

Tuesday 7th December

Anyway, as I was just saying, who is looking forward to the World Cup, hey? I bet England are going to do really well... Well, seven months have just flown by and once again I've made zero updates to the old webshite. Not that I haven't done stuff, although most of it is in the past now so totally irrelevant. However, in order to maintain my multiple web personae and to justify paying a fair few quid in hosting fees, I think I'll indulge meself, if you don't mind. So what have I been up to? Well, as mentioned in my previous quick and dirty post, I've started a new blog, specifically about football. Mind, if you've visited it recently, you might notice that I'm almost as good as keeping that up to date as I am this site... At least on Sick, Sorry and Sober, I have the deadline of games coming around so have some motivation to update on a regular basis. Admittedly, it hasn't quite lived up to my own expectations, but that's mainly because I haven't managed to do quite as many away trips as I was hoping to do. I'll try to do more post-Xmas but obviously, I've got Chrimbo to worry about first.

What else? Well, I've been playing around with my latest toy - a USB Cassette Converter. I talked about getting one ages ago but finally got round to blowing some cash on one. It's been a bit of a mixed success, to be honest. Firstly, I had to install iTunes in order to use it, which annoyed me, but at least I haven't had to actually set up an account. Secondly, the auto-detect function doesn't work reliably and if the gap between tracks is small, or a track has pauses in it, the software gets easily confused and you can end up with several tacks joined together or one track split into several parts. I had particular problems with the b-side of Kraftwerk's Autobahn album and both my Fugazi cassettes. Thirdly, despite my best efforts, I always seem to end up with 8 seconds or so of silence at the start of the first track on a tape. And fourthly, and the biggest annoyance of all, the software apparently saves the tracks with names and titles in iTunes, but behind the scenes, the tracks are all labelled 'tempxx.mp3' (where xx=a number). So I'll have to rename all the files if I want to make any use out of them other than play them on my PC. I have downloaded Audacity, which was free, to do that, but as I created a fair few tracks before I realised, it's quite a big job. One that, surprise, surprise, I haven't got round to yet. Anyway, once I've done all that, I can box up the cassettes and stick them in storage, so that I can repeat the entire tedious process when my PC dies... For all my moaning, I do now have a version of Johnny Burton's 'Polevault Man' that I can listen to on a regular basis, which is excellent.

I have also been doing some work with my guitar recording software. Have finally got to grips with recording something and then being able to record myself playing along to it. The results weren't a startling success, you'll be shocked to learn, but I am at at least now a tiny bit closer to recording something worthwhile, which is the ultimate goal. Still not quite managed the trick of keeping time with a drum track, but I couldn't manage that when I played in a proper band... Got a few days holiday left to take before the end of the year yet, so will be using them to continue my adventures in modern recording.

Talking of music, it was with some disappointment that I learned during the autumn that Sgt Wolfbanger had parted company with their lead singer. Not in a Beatles-stylee, where Dan started taking his bossy new Japanese girlfriend along to recordings and rehearsals and letting her interfere, irritating the rest of the band and causing rancorous resentment, but more in a Beautiful South-style gradual parting of the ways as one member of the band realised he wanted to go in a different direction to the rest. (Just for the record, as far as I'm aware Dan doesn't have a Japanese girlfriend, bossy or otherwise...) Anyway, Dan has got a new project on the go and was, last I heard, still looking for musicians to form a full band. The rest of the Wolfbangers are apparently going to be re-emerging under a new name. Keep your eyes peeled.

And talking of bands that no one should ever try copying (which I wasn't), I went away to Bridlington the other weekend to see the legendary Status Quo. I didn't go on my own but went with me old friends Kev and Stevie Stripe. Well, I say went with, but in reality we met up (and parted) at various points along the way. Steve decided to drive from his home near Rhyl and meet us in Bridlington, whereas I arranged to meet Kev in Hull for a couple of pre-match beers before taking the train to Brid. My journey was not without the usual complications - my direct train from Manchester to Hull was cancelled, so I had to go via Huddersfield and arrived at Hull a little later than planned. Still there was time for a few beers in our own private bar in the Royal Station Hotel. Alright, it wasn't our own private bar because there wasn't even a bar in the room, but there was just me and Kev in the Prince of Wales Bar. We had a couple of beers and then hopped on the train to meet Steve. We arrived to find that the forecast snow had actually arrived in Bridlington. As had Steve, who setting off early due to the warnings of poor weather, had had no trouble whatsoever and been waiting for us for a couple of hours... We waded through the snow to Steve's car and headed off to our accommodation. I'd found us a cheap apartment, thanks to laterooms.com, but wasn't expecting anything too spectacular. Well, we were pleasantly surprised. The Spa Holiday Apartments were pretty good. We had a lounge, dining room, kitchen and bedroom with en suite on the ground floor and a second bathroom and bedroom up the back stairs. All self-contained. Not that we made immediate use of the facilities, because we had a quick change and headed out for more beers and something to eat. Steve was keen to catch up on the drinking front and Kev and I were keen to re-visit some of the pubs we went to last time we were there. First stop for me and Steve was the New Inn, which was opposite MacD's, where Kev went for something to eat. The pub was empty apart from the camp barman and an old drunk (no, not me this time). It was, however, warm, cheap-ish and had a pool table. So we whiled away a couple of hours before staggering on. Won't bore you with too many details of the night's pub crawl, mainly because the details are somewhat hazy, but one thing that did stick in everyone's minds was the large variations in price of beer across the pubs of Brid. It wasn't a simple difference of a quid or so from pub to pub but in one pub we paid almost ten quid for three pints but an hour or so later we were paying just over five quid for a round. We ended the night in The Pavilion which, last time Kev and I went, had been full of tourists and had attractive go-go dancers. Out of season, it was hosting a pub quiz and not very lively. And cold. We finished up our beers there and slipped and slid back to our apartment. Saturday morning, we weren't really up and at them, but we didn't do too badly. Kev knocked us up an excellent fry-up to set us up for the day. After a bit of faffing about, we were off for a few gentle beers to while away the day before the Status Quo gig. We took a bit of a detour to the Spa, venue for the night's gig, to check that the band had managed to get through the snow. They had indeed, and we even saw Francis Rossi on the phone in an office. We also met a nutter in a combat jacket who had been hanging around waiting to get the band to autograph his Status Quo book. There was a hairy moment when we thought he might invite himself along to the pub with us, but luckily we managed to ditch him. Ironically though, if he'd tagged along he could have had a drink with the not-so-famous members of Status Quo like we did. Well, I say 'had a drink' and 'with' but in truth we just happened to be the only two groups in the lounge bar of The Albion at the same time. And we were too polite to actually talk to them. Anyway, after our pub crawl it was back to the apartments to pause for breath and to get changed. With the venue being only round the corner, we decided to dump the warm coats and stuff and risk the two minute slither in jumpers and t-shirts. Which was wise, as it was boiling inside the venue. Anyway, we missed the support band due to getting ale in the bar and, after some confusion, found our way downstairs and got a decent viewing position. And when Status Quo hit the stage, they didn't disappoint. Very entertaining. Played a mixture of the familiar and stuff that sounded familiar. Not sure I'd go and see them often, but I wouldn't object to going again. Unfortunately things went a bit downhill after the gig, quite literally. Kev went sliding over as he came out of the gig, and then I went base over apex on the way to the pub. No damage done in either case, except knocks to pride, of course. More drinks consumed and no falls on the way home, completed a very good day. There was more snow on Sunday morning, and after a reviving cup of tea, Steve decided to head off early in case things deteriorated. We had to give him a push to get him out of his parking space, but I assume he got home OK apart from that. Kev and I had a lunchtime train to catch, so wandered in to town for some brunch and a pint before going home. as you can see from the photos, there was considerable snow on the way home and our train to Doncaster was delayed by just enough time for us both to miss our connections. We spent a very cold hour on the station waiting for connections before the final parting of the ways. All in all, a good weekend, and pictures available on flickr in my Bridlington 2010 photoset.

Another thing on my To Do list was lose some weight/get fitter. Well, I'm delighted to announce that that bit of my plan is actually going quite well. I'm doing more walking and picking up the pace when I walk anywhere. Also, on a fairly regular basis, I go out for a long walk up around Bickerton Hills with my old friend Charlie. It's a good workout for me, a good work-out for Charlie's dog and, until last weekend, appeared to guarantee that Crewe would avoid defeat at home. Alongside the extra exercise I've tried to start eating a bit more healthily - more vegetables, less lard, that sort of thing. The overall result is that since the summer, I've lost about 17 pounds. Not an incredible amount but definitely a noticeable amount.

Finally, it will come be no surprise to you to learn that I've indulged my DVD habit fairly extensively over the last few months. I'll spare you the tedious blow-by-blow reviews, but here's as complete a list as I could come up with:

• Re-Animator - Classic 80s horror based on a HP Lovecraft short story. Mad scientist works out how to bring dead back to life, unfortunately the dead don't like it. And why would they? Surprisingly good although, obviously, it does have excellent source material to work with.
• League of Gentlemen Series 2 - Having got Series 1 and Series 3 (both cheap at the time I seem to recall) I thought I ought to complete the collection. Especially as I wanted to lend the DVDs to my nephew, Thought it probably best if he had all three series to watch.
• League Of Gentlemen Christmas special - Definitely completing the collection here, with the Christmas special issued between series 2 and 3. fills in a bit of backstory on some of the characters but probably not essential viewing.
• League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse - Post-series 3, the League of Gentlemen team venture into the world of film and find themselves at odds with their creations as the characters escape into the real world and confront them in order to force the team to carry on writing their adventures.
• Coogan's Run - Early sketch series in which Steve Coogan played a different character every week. Some hits (Paul Calf, Gareth Cheeseman, the Crump Brothers) and some misses (Ernest Moss, Mike Crystal, The Curator).
• Paranormal Activity - supposedly true horror film about a couple haunted by a poltergeist or something, who take to filming their house at night to see what's going on. Like you do. It all ends badly.
• Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle - The ever-excellent Stewart Lee's now not-so-recent six-show stint on BBC2, still available on DVD. Excellent, if you're a fan of dry, cutting sarcasm. Contains the punchline "A comprehensive study of its causes." I did feel slightly uncomfortable though when he suggested that no one needs a Planet of The Apes box set....
• I'm Alan Partridge, Series 1 - Steve Coogan's erstwhile TV chat show host, now working on Radio Norwich and living in the Linton Travel Tavern, but still dreaming of a return to television.
• Death Race 2000 - Another classic, this time from 1975. In a post-apocalyptic future, David Carradine and Sly Stallone, and assorted others compete in the Transcontinental Road Race, killing members of the general public and trying to avoid being killed by the anti-government rebels. Carradine, as the anti-hero Frankenstein, has his own agenda to stick to too.
• Funland - dark, comic thriller set in Blackpool. Actually, there's not much that is comic in it - it's mostly dark and slightly grim. Murder, incest, estranged families, blackmail, corruption, a mis-matched couple from Stoke and some very dysfunctional people all feature in this tale of cross and double-cross as several interested parties search for a valuable treasure hidden many years ago.
• Escape From New York - In a post-apocalyptic future Kurt Russell, as anti-hero Snake Plissken, must venture in to New York, to rescue US President, Donald Pleasance. Not the most difficult of assignments, you might think, apart from the small fact that New York has been turned into a giant prison-city and is home to the baddest, meanest criminals in America.
• Edge of Darkness - the original TV series with Bob Peck, NOT the crappy film version with Mel Gibson. Bob sets out to investigate the death of his daughter and uncovers a lot more than he bargained for. Top quality conspiracy theory stuff.
• White Noise: The Light - "sequel" to effective EVP-based horror 'White Noise' that has absolutely nothing to do with EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomena - the recording of "phantom" voices on electronic equipment. Look it up.) and plenty to do with Near Death Experiences (NDE, look it up, again, that's what Wikipedia is for). Turns out that being able to save people's lives isn't as fun or rewarding as it's cracked up to be.
• Hammer House of Horror TV series - From the studio that bought you all them classic horror films between 1955 and 1980, also managed to churn out a few TV programmes for ITV in the early 80s. These were largely horror-based but with a twist (a bit like Tales of the Unexpected, the early ones anyway, that were written by Roald Dahl, and not the later ones that were totally obvious). They were also made on the cheap and so the same sets and locations appears in a number of these. All good fun, although very tame compared to today's horror films.
• Zombieland - Woody Harrelson and assorted others gang together to find sanctuary in an America plagued by a zombie apocalypse. They head off to an amusement park. It's a comedy.
• The Lost Boys - another classic from the 80s. Vampires, sibling rivalry, the Frog brothers, murder, death and a good dollop of humour. If you haven't seen this, you need to stay in more.
• Dead Snow - one of the other not-so-recent slew of zombie Nazi movies. This time set in that there Norway. A party of students head up into the mountains to celebrate the end of their exams (or something) and end up battling hordes of zombie Nazis. It doesn't go well.
• Spiderman: The Cartoon Series 1, 2 & 3 - we had a couple of competitions running at work during the World Cup and I managed to win the Prediction League and come second in the sweep, so scooped around forty quids. A large part of which I promptly blew on these old Spiderman cartoon DVDs, that were going for three quid each in Morrisons. I had a brief moment of doubt when I got home, thinking I may have been able to get them cheaper online, but I was OK - saved myself more than 50 quids compared to the online price. Woo! Hoo!
• The Hamiltons - Sold like it's the sort of torture porn you get in Hostel or Saw or something, but in fact, a limp disappointment of a film about a family of drifters who need to drink blood to survive, or something, and bore the tits off us before murdering a couple of local girls and moving on to the next town.
• Silent Running - Classic 70s sci-fi with an eco-friendly message. Bruce Dern stars as the man charged with preserving the last plants from Earth on their journey to Saturn. When ordered to destroy them, our Bruce rebels and comes up with a plan of his own. Only, back in the 70s Hollywood still allowed you to get away without a glib resolution and everyone living happily ever after...
• Starship Troopers - sadly not an extended version of Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip performing their one hit from 1978 ('I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper', fact fans, and available on youtube for all you dads out there...) but Paul Verhoeven's excellent 1997 sci-fi movie. Much more than the dumb space-war shoot'em-up I was expecting. And all the better for it.
• Benidorm - Series One - To be fair, for an ITV sitcom, it's not bad. In fact, it's quite good. Yes, the English abroad are an easy target, but you've got to make the characters and situation realistic. Plus, it's filmed on location. (Unlike, say, Duty Free which had implausible characters, unbelievable situations and was filmed almost entirely on a set in Leeds.) I was pleasantly surprised. Think I'll have to see if I can get the other two series now.
• Kick Ass - Last and by no means least, Kick Ass, Probably one of the lamest superheroes ever, but he gives it a go and soon starts making a difference. He attracts attention of both the good and bad kind and soon finds himself up to his neck in it. Luckily he manages to sort things out, save the day AND get the girl. Quality but, like re-Animator, had quality source material to start from.

As well as buying all that shit, I did do a few other things during the summer. I took my nephews on our annual pilgrimage to the Nantwich Show and International Cheese Festival. The weather was slightly better this year and the ground was drier. It still rained on us but the preceding weeks had seen less rain so the grounds were relatively firmer. There certainly wasn't the sort of slippy, slidey mud round the entrance there had been the previous year. And this year, I managed to buy my tickets before the day, saving myself a fair few quids. You can see some highlights of the day in my Nantwich Show 2010 photoset on Facebook. One of the other things I did was take in the the Nantwich Transport Festival. Plenty of cars on display during the day, but I photographed a lot of them the previous year, so limited myself this time to new or interesting exhibits. The obligatory Nantwich Transport Festival photoset is available on flickr. And while we're at it, I also took a few photos of Conisbrough Castle last time I was over there. Again, my nephews feature. Can't even remember what we were over there for - might have been a World Cup game or something. Anyhow, you can see the pictures in my Conisbrough castle photo album on Facebook. I did do a few other things over the summer - the annual family gathering, the MDS Rail Ale Trail outing, a trip to Grimsby and the Nantwich Beer Festival - but fortunately there aren't any pictures of those to annoy you with.

Er, and that's about it for now. I have bought some new (to me) albums recently, but I think I'll save them for my next update. Which should give me an incentive to do another update before I forget what I've bought. I'm also planning to go out on Saturday night and see Swim Into Scarlet for the first time in ages, so might include a review of them. Don't hold your breath though!

Quick and Dirty

Friday 1st October

Hello! Apologies to anyone who has accidentally clicked here as a result of my sponsorship of a race at the Crewe ASi race night this evening, because I haven't updated this site in ages. I'm trying to get round to a proper update but it's taking a while. In the meantime you can follow my latest musings about the state of Crewe Alexandra at Sick, Sorry and Sober.

Previously on the Fat Fakir....